Resources

Excessive Exercise

Participation in regular physical activity is beneficial to both body and mind. It supports our body to grow stronger and our brain to work better. It relieves stress and anxiety and helps improve mood, concentration and memory.

However, when exercise becomes an obligation and you are experiencing negative consequences which put strain on your mind and body, there is a chance that you are exercising excessively, which can be a problem in itself, as over-exercising can bring serious negative impacts on health. 

Why does it matter?

Excessive exercise affects both our physical and mental health. It could lead to potential injuries, due to overusing muscles or worsening previous injuries as your body is unable to recover fully. This could affect exercise performance in the longer term, especially among youth during this stage of physical development. Excessive exercise can also affect girls’ menstruation, as it directly and indirectly impacts hormonal changes in our bodies. 

It can influence how you perceive your body, your self-esteem and it can be mentally taxing when our minds are preoccupied with the thoughts related to exercise. Excessive exercising can contribute to guilty feelings, or feelings of irritation and being on edge when you are not exercising. It also affects our daily lives and social relationship as we prioritise exercise over other matters.

Although it is not classified as a diagnosable mental health condition, over-exercising is often associated with multiple mental health conditions. Studies show that there is a link between excessive exercise, body dysmorphic disorder and eating disorders. It may also lead to or exacerbate existing mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and addiction.

Signs of excessive exercise

You may notice some of the following signs:

  • Feeling prolonged muscle soreness and stiffness
  • Feeling fatigued and tired, preventing you to maintain daily activities
  • Feeling guilty for not exercising
  • Constantly feeling the urge to exercise
  • Finding your mind preoccupied with exercise and body image
  • Using exercise as a key way to distract yourself from stress and anxiety
  • Lower performance
  • Unrealistically comparing yourself with others
  • Often prioritising exercise over necessary tasks, social interactions and other urgent matters 

Exercise is excessive and becomes a problem when it starts to affect your daily life and social relationships, or when it no longer brings you the benefits as originally intended. Reaching out to people you trust or seeking professional help can be useful.

What is the recommended amount of physical activity?

According to the World Health Organisation:

  • Youth (aged 5-17) are recommended to do at least an hour of moderate to vigorous level of exercise per day. Adults are advised to undertake 150–300 minutes of moderate-intensity or 75–150 minutes of vigorous-intensity physical activity per week.
  • Moderate level of physical activity – you can still talk, but you can’t sing, such as brisk walking and dancing
  • Vigorous level of physical activity – you can only say a few words without stopping to catch a breath, such as running, hiking uphills, and jumping ropes

How can I take care of myself?

  • Schedule rest days. Rest days are essential for your body to recover from exercising and strained muscles. It also lets you clear your mind from exercise and focus on other duties and work.
  • Stick to an exercise schedule. Plan an exercise schedule that includes both active days and rest days. 
  • Take a break from exercise if you don’t feel like exercising. It is okay to take a break and let yourself recover from the accumulated stress from exercise – it can benefit you in the long run for your body and mind as they have time to recover to their optimal state.
  • A healthy lifestyle is also crucial for your well-being as a whole. A healthy diet, sufficient rest and sleep also contribute to your physical and mental health. Learn more about maintaining a healthy lifestyle for your physical and mental well-being here.
  • Talk to people you trust about your concerns. If you have concerns or struggle with over-exercising, talk to your friends, coach, teammates, or a family member you trust to see if alternatives are available. Talking to others is also a way to organise your thoughts and feelings.
  • Engage in other activities. Engaging in other enjoyable activities can help focus on something else. If you find your mind is constantly occupied with exercise and related matters, try to immerse yourself in other enjoyable activities and enjoy the feeling that the new activity brings, 

How friends and family can support

  • Let them know you are worried and are there for them. If your loved ones show signs of excessive exercise that worry you, let them know that you care and are there to support and listen to them. Let them know that they are not alone.
  • Acknowledge and validate their feelings and emotions. Different people hold different perspectives on things, and it is important to remember that all feelings and emotions are valid to their experiences. Avoid dismissing their worries and concerns, and try to understand their perspective.
  • Don’t make assumptions. Excessive exercise can result from a mix of factors, don’t make assumptions about what drives them to exercise. Listening to them and understanding their perspective can encourage them to share more comfortably.
  • Help them find useful information. Useful information such as maintaining overall wellbeing can encourage them to carry out healthy behaviours and avoid information that promotes unhealthy habits. It is also a way to show them that you care and are there to support them.
  • Engage them in other activities. Spend time and engage in other enjoyable activities together, such as watching movies, online streaming, chatting and playing games.

Maintaining a healthy exercise habit can positively impact your life, both physically, mentally and socially – it is supposed to bring joy and relieve stress while keeping you physically healthy. 

Reference

Trott, M., Yang, L., Jackson, S. E., Firth, J., Gillvray, C., Stubbs, B., & Smith, L. (2020). Prevalence and correlates of exercise addiction in the presence vs. absence of indicated eating disorders. Frontiers in Sports and Active Living. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fspor.2020.00084/full

World Health Organisation. (2020). WHO Guidelines on Physical Activities and Sedentary Behaviour. https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/337001/9789240014886-eng.pdf.

Resources

Building Habits: Information and Tips

Building Habits

Part of the reason why we create a new, month-long movement challenge, every year, is to help people develop lifestyle habits. Exercising regularly has been found to be beneficial, both physically and mentally, for people’s wellbeing. The key word here is “regularly ” – running once every 6 months versus twice a week will have different effects; the benefits of such activities, including to our mental health, largely materialise when made a habit. 

We want to talk about habits, because they are foundational to a healthy lifestyle supporting good mental wellbeing. Habits are intended behaviours that we carry out unconsciously and with minimal effort. 

Building healthy habits is beneficial, as they can make us more prone to making better lifestyle choices on a daily basis. Habits can also help us reach our goals – be it around exercising more or prioritising self-care.

For example, say we want to set a goal to make healthier food choices. If we develop a habit to turn to a fruit instead of a bag of chips every time we crave a snack, the behaviour will eventually stick and we will naturally be more inclined to eat a fruit whenever we snack. 

Forming new habits

A contextual cue is something that reminds you of a desirable outcome of carrying out the behaviour. Contextual cues can remind us to carry out the behaviour for a positive outcome. As we continue to repeat this behaviour, it may become a habit. 

For instance, when we see a pair of trainers on the floor (contextual cue), it reminds us to go for a run and break a sweat (intended behaviour), which improves mood and brain clarity (desirable outcome). As we repeat the same behaviour consistently, we might get into a routine of running. When this happens, we get into a routine without putting much thought into it, and with minimal extrinsic motivation needed. 

Key factors to forming a habit

  • There must be something to remind you. Building habits requires persistence and effort. Therefore having external reminders – be it a family member or friends, an alarm clock, or placing your trainers in obvious places, can be a great reminder for you to carry out the behaviour, especially during the early stages of building a habit.
  • There is a reward. Reward yourself from time to time after performing the behaviour; this can motivate you to perform the behaviour again. It doesn’t have to be something tangible or deliberate – the beautiful scenery you see from taking a walk near the harbour can be rewarding in itself.
  • It should be simple. It is harder to build a habit when the intended behaviour involves multiple steps, and conscious planning. Keep the intended behaviour as simple as possible, such as establishing a fixed time and location, to ensure minimal effort is needed to carry out the behaviour. Remember, it is okay (and actually better) to start small! Ensure the habits and goals you hope to integrate into your lifestyle are feasible, resource and time wise. Slowly build up your habits – jumping all in can backfire sometimes. 
  • Give the habit meaning. A reward itself is powerful, but for a habit to stick, it is useful to consider the deeper meaning as to why you are doing that behaviour. Does it improve your mood? Does it help make you more productive at work? Think beyond the obvious!

Tips

  • Plan ahead! Schedule a fixed time and location to carry out the behaviour.  For example, plan for a walk around the neighbourhood after dinner.
  • Try out different ways to remind yourself. Some prefer an alarm, while others prefer changing phone wallpapers to remind themselves of things. It takes trial and error to identify the best way to remind yourself of carrying out the behaviour. Sometimes we might even need to switch things up to keep it fresh!
  • Focus on building one habit at a time. Focus on one thing at a time to keep your routine simple and straightforward. It also gives yourself some time to adjust and get used to the changes you made. 
  • Repeat. Repeat. Repeat… until it sticks. Be patient and keep repeating the same behaviour, until it becomes habitual and performed without conscious thinking. Building habits take days. According to research, it takes an average of 66 days to automate a behaviour. 

It’s your turn!

It’s your turn to try to build a habit! You can refer to our Heads Up information and tips booklet and think of healthy habits on your own, or choose from the list for different ideas, and write it down on the habit tracker. Come back to the tracker to fill in the block after you have completed it every day.

List of ideas:

 Exercise

  • It’s time to stand. Stand up for at least an hour after each of your meals.
  • Incorporate movement into your breaks during the day. Our bodies like to move, movement can help us feel refreshed and energised.
  • Help to do chores. Not only can you help around the house a bit, but it is also a great way to fit in some movement in your day.
  • Stretch out every morning. Stretch every morning when you leave your bed to help you prepare for a busy day.
  • Head out for a walk before or after dinner. Walk a bit to clear your head, and get away from the hustle and work/school responsibilities.
  • Dance to your favourite songs. Dance every time your favourite song is on.

Sleep

  • Anything but your phone! Put away your phone or any electronic devices and grab a book or write your journal before you sleep.
  • Do breathing exercise before going to bed. Breathing exercise helps us to relax from a full day of tension and get better sleep. There are a lot of online videos that guide you through breathing exercises.
  • Fill in a sleep diary. A sleep diary involves recording information about your sleep habits to help you understand your sleep problems and what is affecting it.
  • Get ready for bed! Set a fixed time and get ready to sleep – dim your light, control the noise, make sure your room temperature is comfortable, and get comfy to help you sleep.
  • Get ready for the day! Wake up at the same time every day helps to regulate your circadian rhythm (your inner clock) and help with your sleep.
  • Stretch it out. Stretching a bit or going for a light walk before your sleep can help you fall asleep faster. Aim to finish exercise one hour before sleep to give your body enough time to wind down, and avoid intense exercise.
  • Have a cup of chamomile tea. A cup of chamomile tea before your bedtime promotes sleep. It can also be a great way to act as a cue to remind yourself it’s time for bed!

Diet 

  • Eat breakfast. Eating breakfast helps to regulate your sugar levels.
  • Turn and learn the nutrition label. While grocery shopping, turn the box and read the nutrition label. Avoid choosing food with too much sugar, sodium and saturated fat, and choose according to your nutrient needs under nutrition labels.
  • Swap out sugary food and drinks. Instead of going for desserts and boba milk tea, switch it up and eat some fruits!
  • Switch to decaf. Caffeine in tea and coffee can worsen anxiety symptoms, such as racing heartbeat and trembling. If you are experiencing similar feelings after your tea or coffee, try switching to decaf!
  • Drink 8 cups of water. Water is very effective in detoxifying your body. Drinking enough water also helps you concentrate and think more clearly. 
  • Keep a colourful plate! Eating a variety of food means that you will get a good range of nutrients. Try to make sure you are eating five colours of fruit and vegetables every day!
  • Replace preserved meat with fresh meat. Replace sausages and luncheon meat with fresh meat to reduce sodium intake.
  • Use healthier fats like olive oil and avocado oil in your daily cooking.
  • Eat your protein. Include at least one serving of protein in your meal, such as meat, tofu, mushroom, beans, broccoli or spinach.

But remember that eating healthy is all about balance. It is ok to indulge in treats and foods that we love (in moderation!). 

Changing habits

Some habits can also interfere with our goals and health. For instance, if we are used to grabbing a bag of chips everytime we want to snack, it interferes with our goal to make healthier food choices, which makes it harder for us to attain our goals. Therefore, it is also important to be mindful of any existing habits that might interfere with our goals, and find ways to manage them.

How to break bad habits

  • Identify the trigger. Identify the cues that prompt you to do it; cues can include feeling extra stressed with your workload or managing drama with a specific friend. Be mindful of the cues that trigger you to act on a specific habit, so you can find ways to break the connection between the cue and the unintended behaviour.
  • Tell yourself don’t do it. As silly as it sounds, deliberately telling yourself not to carry out the behaviour can actually reduce your chance of doing it. By doing this, you are regaining control of your thoughts and making conscious decisions, instead of relying on habits.
  • Have alternative choices readily available. For example, you can keep a book close to your bed, and put away your phone, to break the habit of scrolling through your phone before you sleep.

How to support others in building a habit?

Support from friends and family can be a great extrinsic motivation to keep going on. Here are some ways you can try to support others in building a habit:

  • Build a healthy habit together. Behaviours from people around us can have a great impact on how we think and behave. Therefore, through building healthy habits together, you can hold each other accountable while bringing positive impact to each other’s daily life.
  • Provide useful information and resources. Share some useful information that might help with their journey to build a habit can be very helpful, and also show that they have your support.
  • Ask them how you can help. Don’t make assumptions on what they need, simply ask them how you can support them to understand what they really need from you.
  • Check in on them. Talk to them about their habit – such as their progress and how they feel, which can motivate them to continue, and remind them of the reason why they started at first.

Move It for Mental Health!

About Move It

“Move It for Mental Health” is Mind HK‘s annual campaign to raise awareness of the benefits of exercise on our physical and mental health, through challenging the public to complete different exercise goals.

Learn more about the benefit of exercise here: www.moveithk.com/health-benefits

*This resources is supported by Laureus Sports For Good.

Resources

Heads Up Information and Tips: Let’s talk about exercise, lifestyle, and mental health

Introduction

Our physical and mental health are closely linked, and it is important that we take care of ourselves. We can start small – by changing our lifestyle, through exercise, sleep and diet, to improve our physical and mental health.

This booklet contains useful information and tips to incorporate exercise and healthy lifestyle into daily life, along with a list of local mental health resources and services available, so you can take care of yourself, peers and others. 

What is Mental Health?

Mental health is used to describe how we feel and how we cope in our lives. Just like everything in life, our mental health is on a spectrum, and it fluctuates from time to time. With the appropriate resources and support, we can always return to a state of positive mental health.

Good mental health (Thriving):

  • Relatively self-confident 
  • Feels and expresses a range of emotions 
  • Engaged with the world around them
  • Lives and work productively
  • Copes with the stressors of daily life, change and uncertainty

At risk:

  • Showing signs of mental health problems
  • Signs and symptoms are affecting our daily lives (e.g. can’t sleep, headache, don’t want to go to school, don’t want to meet friends, etc.)

Poor mental health (Surviving):

  • Signs and symptoms have persisted for a period of time
  • Symptoms have been significantly affecting our lives, school, work and relationships

Physical Activity

Staying physically active benefits both our physical and mental health. Staying active doesn’t mean moving vigorously every day – even slow walks and stretching counts. Yet 81% of adolescents (aged 11-17) in the world do not achieve the WHO’s recommended levels of physical activities.

World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends that children and adolescents aged 5-17 years should: 

  1. At least an average of 60 minutes/day of moderate to vigorous-intensity physical activity, mostly aerobic, across the week.
  2. Vigorous-intensity aerobic activity, and those that strengthen muscle and bone, should be incorporated at least 3 days/week.

While it is important to stay active, don’t forget to rest!

It is important to rest so your body can recover and restore energy – listen to your body!

Physical benefits

  • Reduces risk of some diseases
  • Regulates levels of cortisol
  • Maintain healthy organs
  • Maintain healthy bones
  • Increase levels of energy
  • Improves sleep

Mental Health Benefits

  • INCREASES IN SELF-EFFICACY
    • Self-efficacy is the belief in oneself to perform a certain behaviour or achieve a goal. Exercise builds up your sense of mastery and control, by conquering challenges along the way, which in turn increases self-efficacy.  
  • ENHANCE SELF-IMAGE AND SELF-ESTEEM
    • Exercise helps to improve your body figure, your mobility and strength. It is also a great reminder to yourself that you are taking care of your health and wellbeing, which also boosts your self-esteem.
  • IMPROVE ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE
    • Exercise improves cognitive performance. It promotes neural growth and facilitates connections and communication between indifferent parts of your brain. In short, it helps you to focus better during lessons, learn and remember better. It also improves your decision-making, reasoning and problem solving skills.
  • REDUCES STRESS
    • Exercise helps reduce our stress hormone (Cortisol and adrenaline, which contributes to our feelings of stress). It also promotes changes in how our brain responds to stress, and allows us to recover from signs of stress better.
  • MAKES US FEEL GOOD
    • Exercise increases our levels of endorphins, which makes us feel happy and pleasant. It also increases our levels of serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter that regulates our mood, wellbeing, and also affects our sleep and appetite.
  • REDUCES DEPRESSION & ANXIETY SYMPTOMS
    • People who are physically are more likely to face lower levels of depression and anxiety symptoms. Being physically active also lowers the risk of developing depression.
  • BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER
    • Exercise bonds people together, especially when you are playing team sports. It gives us a sense of belonging, which reduces our feeling of loneliness and enhances self-esteem. Connecting with others also expands our support network, which is a crucial source of emotional support, especially when we are struggling and feeling distressed.

Risk of inactive lifestyle:

  • Lower metabolism rates
  • Muscles, bones, heart and lung capacity and immune system are weakened
  • Reduced sleep duration and poorer sleep quality
  • Increased risk of developing cardiovascular disease, cancer, and diabetes in later years
  • Social isolation and reduced physical interactions with others
  • Increased risk of developing depression symptoms and psychological distress

Diet

Some foods contain nutrients that help our body to function better. While it is okay to enjoy food that makes us feel good and happy, the key is to make sure you have a healthy diet that provides you with enough energy and nutrients to keep your body and brain running, and maintain your mental health.

  • Carbohydrates
    • It is our main energy source that keeps our brain and body running. You can find carbohydrates from foods like rice, wheat products, breads and root vegetables (such pumpkin, taro, etc.).
  • Protein
    • It contains essential building blocks, amino acids, for our brain and body to function normally – from producing chemicals that are necessary for the body to communicate, and to building muscles and strength for our body. You can find proteins in foods like meat, beans, tofu, mushrooms and eggs.
  • Fats
    • Healthy fats, such as unsaturated fat and omega-3,6,9, are essential for your brain health, as it is a vital part in protecting your nerve cells, which helps you stay focused and keep a clear head. But a little goes a long way, so moderation is key. You can find healthy fats from foods like fish, nuts, egg yolks and olive oil.
  • Vitamins and minerals
    • Vitamins and minerals play an important role in supporting our body to carry out daily functions. For example, Vitamin B is crucial in producing chemicals messenger for the body, protects our brain health, and regulates our mood, sleep and energy levels. Other vitamins are also useful for our body to stay healthy. Vitamins and minerals can be found in many foods; in particular, you can get your dose of Vitamin B from foods like pistachios, garlic, meat and spinach.

A balanced diet should include a range of vegetables, fruits, protein, carbohydrates, healthy fats, and vitamins and minerals. Here are some tips for a healthy diet.

  • Get your colours in! Colours in fruits and vegetables represent different vitamins and nutrients, which can ensure you get enough nutrients you need.
  • Limit the amount of refined sugar in your diet. As much as we enjoy a good piece of cake or a bottle of boba milk tea from time to time, too much sugar can actually make us feel irritated, affect our cognitive performance, and cause health issues like skin problems, obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes.
  • Drink enough water. 70% of our body is water. Drinking an average of 8 cups of water keeps our brain clear, awake and energetic, so we can focus better in school.

Sleep

Having a regular and sufficient sleep schedule allows our body to restore and reserve energy, consolidate memories and maintain brain activity. 

Teenagers are recommended to get around 8-10 hours of sleep, yet most teens are only getting 6-7 hours. 

  • 86.4% of secondary students in Hong Kong had sufficient sleep (8+ hours) on weekends and holidays
  • Only 27.4% were able to meet recommended hours on school nights

Tips to getting enough sleep:

  • Avoid digital screens before sleep. Blue light from our devices interferes with our sleep hormone, which keeps us awake at night.
  • Make your sleep environment comfortable. You can benefit from a better sleep with a dim, quiet and a comfortable temperature.
  • Be active! Exercise allows us to spend some of our energy, allowing us to have a good night’s sleep. Staying inactive can make it harder to fall asleep. However, make sure not to exercise too close to your bed time! 

Goals Setting

Setting goals allows us to:

  • Work towards our personal growth.
  • Reinforce us to continue performing the goal-oriented behaviour
  • Improve our self-efficacy

SMART goal

  • Specific – Have a focused goals with tangible outcomes. Being more specific helps you identify what you want to achieve.
  • Measurable – A clear definition of what you want to achieve. This allows you to evaluate outcomes and progress.
  • Achievable – Your goal can be challenging but also reasonable. Reflecting this component can help identify barriers.
  • Relevant – Achieve something that is worthwhile to you. It should be aligned with your values and determine whether it is a priority to you.
  • Timely – Each goal should have a target date, something to motivate you in being focused and disciplined about it. Set a time frame so that you don’t get discouraged.

Tips to setting goals:

  • Be as detailed as possible. It is easier for you to follow your plans.
  • Get prepared! Think of some potential challenges that you might face, and how you can overcome them. This helps you to be prepared to get through potential obstacles along the way.
  • Tell your friends and family about your goal! Get your friends and family involved to help you stay on track with your goals.

Supporting Yourself

Seeking help can be confusing and overwhelming, so it is important to know what is available and what to expect. Here is some useful information for you to learn more about seeking help in Hong Kong.

Self-care

  • Check-in with yourself
  • Practice mindfulness
  • Reach out if you need to
  • Set realistic goals
  • Maintain a healthy diet
  • Stay active
  • Get enough rest
  • Drink more water

How to support your peers?

Key things to remember:

  • Be empathetic and compassionate. Take on their perspective and recognise that their perspective is their truth.
    • Acknowledge their pain (e.g. “it must be hard for you”)
    • Share how you feel (e.g. “I can’t imagine what you are going through”)
    • Show gratitude (e.g. “thank you for trusting me to share your story with me”)
    • Show interest (e.g. “how do you feel about everything?”)
    • Be supportive (e.g. “what can I do for you right now as your friend?”)
  • Be non-judgemental. They are their own person, and they are in control of their thoughts and actions.
  • Be supportive. Being supportive doesn’t mean you need to fix their problem, it is about being there to support them, so they are not alone in facing the situation.

DOs

  • Check in with them
  • Listen and take things at their pace
  • Engage in active listening and ask specific questions
  • Validate their experience and provide them with options
  • Respect their point of view

DON’Ts

  • Don’t force them to share things they are uncomfortable to talk about
  • Don’t make assumptions
  • Don’t criticise or shame their beliefs and actions
  • Don’t compare their problem to your own or invalidate their experience
  • Don’t try to fix their problem for them

Move It for Mental Health

About Move It

“Move It for Mental Health” is Mind HK’s annual campaign to raise awareness of the benefits of exercise on our physical and mental health, through challenging the public to complete different exercise goals. 

Learn more about the challenge: www.moveithk.com

List of available resources and services

  • Coolminds – youth mental health resources
    (Website: www.coolmindshk.com/en/)
  • KELY’s Project Connect – youth referral service
    (Mobile hotline / WhatsApp / Signal – 5647 6688)
  • The Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong
    (Hotline: English – 2389 2223 / Chinese – 2389 2222)
    (Online chat service: English & Chinese – ChatPoint)
  • The Samaritans
    (Multilingual 24 hour hotline – 2896 0000)
  • Suicide Prevention Services
    (Youth Link Hotline: English & Chinese – 2382 0777)
  • Youth Outreach Hotline
    (Chinese only – 9088 1023, WhatsApp 10pm-6am)
  • Caritas Infinity Teens
    (Phone: Chinese only – 2339 3759)
    (WhatsApp / Signal – 9377 3666)
  • The Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups
    (Youthline hotline: Chinese only – 2777 8899)
    (uTouch online outreach counselling service: Chinese only – WhatsApp 6277 8899)
  • The Boys & Girls Clubs Association of Hong Kong
    (Nite Cat online chat room: Chinese only – WhatsApp 9726 8159 / 9852 8625)
  • OpenUp
    (Online counselling service: SMS 9101 2012 or web chat)

*This resources is supported by Laureus Sports For Good.

Resources

Managing Disappointments Due to COVID-19

The COVID-19 pandemic has come with many challenges, one of which has been experiencing grief due to loss. The pandemic measures may have resulted in disruptions to our daily routines; separation from our friends and family; the missing of milestone events (like graduations, birthdays, vacations). We may also find that we feel guilty because we are grieving losses that seem less important than the loss of life. But our feelings of grief over the disruptions of the pandemic are valid, our losses may not be as important as the loss of life but they matter to us. 

How do I know if the losses are negatively affecting you: 

  • Often feeling irritable, frustrated, angry or resentful 
  • Low mood 
  • Feeling generally unmotivated 
  • Being preoccupied with thoughts about what you are missing out on 

How to manage feelings of grief 

Acknowledge your feelings of loss and grief and find ways to express your feelings of loss and disappointment  

  • Journaling 
  • Expressing yourself through art: drawing, painting, music or dance 
  • Talking to friends or family about how you feel, sharing your feelings of disappointment and your concerns 

Incorporate new rituales to your routine to replace ones that have been cancelled or have been put on hold. 

  • Exercise 
  • An interesting online course 
  • An artistic hobby – creative writing, drawing/painting/sculpting 
  • Cooking or baking 
  • Volunteering – there are lots of great volunteering opportunities that can be done remotely 

Find creative ways to celebrate milestone moments (like graduations, birthdays, anniversaries)

  • Creating creative videos with your friends/family to celebrate the moment 
  • Sending gifts or care packages and opening them together online 
  • Virtual celebrations 

What creative celebration method can you come up with? Think outside the box! 

Stay present. During this time of loss we may find ourselves worrying about future losses which can increase our anxiety and our frustration. Here are some ways you can stay present

  • Mindfulness can help us ground ourselves in the moment allowing us to appreciate and savour the enjoyment we are experiencing. When practising mindfulness try using all of your senses to anchor yourself in the present moment. 
    Look around and notice 
    • 5 things you can see
    • 4 things you can physically feel 
    • 3 things you can hear 
    • 2 things you can smell 
    • 1 thing you can taste 
  • Savouring, this means to live in the moment and appreciate the moment. Great ways to savour are by capturing moments we are enjoying (photographing/drawing/painting), or journaling what we are grateful for

Resources

Coping with Disappointing Setbacks and Overcoming the Temptation of Comparison

About Comparison

Social comparison is a major issue among young people. Youth may suffer from serious psychological consequences due to social comparison, such as anxiety, low self-esteem and low satisfaction. Comparisons can take on various forms, like comparing body weight, achievements or material possessions. Smith-Jackson & Reel (2012) found that comparison between peers is a major factor contributing to weight concerns in university freshmen, particularly in females. Another study also showed that adolescents aged between 16 to 21 reported a moderate level of comparison between siblings (Jenson et al., 2015). Moreover, Chen (2008) showed that more than half of the Hong Kong adolescents, who participated in the study, engaged in social comparison with peers in terms of material goods. It is suggested that social media usage has a positive correlation with social comparison behaviour (Verduyn et al., 2020). In this digital age, almost every youth has a social media account and can easily compare their lives with someone else’s. Thus, we can see that comparison behaviour is very prevalent among our society and youth are especially susceptible to social comparison. 

As social animals, human-beings seem to possess a natural tendency to compare with others. While different scholars have proposed various theories explaining this phenomenon, many agree that people compare with others for self-evaluation (Gibbons & Buunk, 1999). By examining the status of others (for example, how your peers did in a test, or how much time your classmates took to run 100m), we get a clearer picture of our performance relative to others. This helps us evaluate our standing on various qualities in society (Buunk & Gibbons, 2007). With the information gained from self-evaluation, we can then seek possible ways to improve ourselves (Festinger, 1954). Apart from that, we may also engage in social comparison in hopes of enhancing our own self-esteem (Gibbons & Buunk, 1999). For example, trying to compare your drawing in art class with someone who’s not as artistic may make you feel good about yourself. All these motives drive social comparison, which is why this phenomenon is so entrenched in every aspect of our lives. 

In Hong Kong

Since most HK schools are very academically-oriented, many students have felt the pressure of comparison by comparing their grades with their classmates’ from a very young age. This is fueled by the praise that students who achieve outstanding grades receive from their teachers and parents as it encourages students to strive towards gaining validation from others. 

Furthermore, since a lot of schools have encouraged all-rounded development of students in recent years, this has caused many HK students to compare themselves not only to their peers’ academic achievements, but also to their successes in music, sports, debating etc. Students are likely to use the number of achievements as a standard to evaluate how successful they are as a person, which can cause a lot of stress and negativity.

Youth Sharing

Kylie Y.:

“Growing up in a prestigious school and being surrounded by high achievers, I have often found myself struggling with excessive comparison, whether it’s the grades I have received on my report cards, the number of leadership posts I have taken up, or even the number of friends I have.”

“Although comparison has given me the motivation to strive towards higher goals at times, it has also brought me a lot of self-doubt and low-self esteem. On top of that, my parents have always compared me to my classmates and their friends’ daughters since I was a child, which has played a significant role in shaping my competitive mindset.”

Lesley Y.:

“Living in Hong Kong, where society tends to focus on one’s achievements and shame failures and shortcomings, it is easy to compare ourselves to each other, even when we are feeling at our worst. I have always struggled with the habit of comparison. ”

“When I encounter setbacks in life, people around me (or even myself, internally) would compare my own situation with someone else’s and say that there are people out there in a tougher situation, which makes my experience invalid. However, having such a mindset is actually very unfair and unkind to myself.”

Nichole C.:

“Hong Kong has always been a notoriously competitive city. Because of the ubiquitous competition in academic attainment and career prospects, I often feel like I’m constantly chasing after a bigger and better goal. As a result, I sometimes fall into the trap of having my self-worth tied to my achievements – when I fail to achieve my goals, I label myself a failure. While it is impossible to reach all our goals in life, this unhealthy mindset could be very harmful to our psychological health. It is like becoming a strict and unloving parent to myself, giving love only on the condition that I successfully achieve my goals.”

How does comparison affect us?

Although we are naturally inclined to make comparisons in our heads, studies have shown that this is not necessarily helpful. 

First, social comparison can  negatively affect how we think about ourselves. As we engage in upward social comparison (i.e comparing ourselves to someone whom we consider superior or better-off) while browsing social media, we often end up with lower self-esteem and are more likely to evaluate ourselves as worse off (Vogel et al., 2014). 

The impact of social comparison also extends to the realm of body image because people tend to compare our own body shape to those of friends, celebrities or even strangers on the street, especially amongst adolescents (Jones, 2001). However, by doing so, we are more likely to experience body dissatisfaction as well as worsened mood (Cattarin et al., 2000; Morrison et al., 2014). 

Although we may think that downward social comparison (i.e comparing ourselves to someone who we consider as inferior or worse off) would be an effective mood booster, studies have shown that such mood-enhancing effect is only exhibited among individuals with lower self-esteem (Aspinwall & Taylor, 1993), suggesting that it is not something healthy to do. 

Youth Sharing: Tips to Cope with Comparison and Setbacks

1. Self-compassion

“When I experience setbacks, I usually practise self-compassion exercises. Practising self-compassion allows you to accept your shortcomings and helps you to develop a growth mindset. I find listening to self-compassion or self-affirmation meditations particularly useful when I encounter setbacks in my life. It helps me to understand that failures or setbacks are a part of progress and we cannot avoid it. Instead, we can take this opportunity to show ourselves some kindness and grow from it.” – Lesley Y.

2. Sharing with friends

“On the other hand, sharing my difficulties and setbacks with my friends also helps me to gain new perspectives on the issue. When I encounter obstacles in my life, it is easy for me to dwell on the issue and my emotions, resulting in a downward spiral without myself noticing. Thus, sharing my burdens and issues with my friends prevents myself from overthinking on the setbacks in my life. Also, listening to my friends’ advice or opinions allows me to see things from multiple perspectives and helps me understand that setbacks are natural.” – Lesley Y.

3. Reduce time spent on social media

“Nowadays, social media has become a main source of comparison for many people, especially teenagers. Excessive use of social media may trigger low mood and lowered self-esteem. Thus, it is important to limit the time we spend on social media, for example, setting a time slot each day for checking social media. Identifying accounts that we follow which repeatedly make us feel inferior or unworthy can be helpful, as we can then unfollow or mute these accounts. For example, some celebrities may post a lot of selfies or bikini photos, which may contribute towards insecurity about one’s appearance. It is essential to keep in mind that what people post online is usually a highlight reel of their life, so we should avoid comparing our behind-the-scenes moments to their specially curated social media posts.” – Kylie Y.

4. Meditation

“It is undoubtedly true that we live in a world full of comparisons. Meditation helps us become more firmly grounded and anchored within, while living in a contemporary society with all its demands, ideals and distractions. However, even during meditation, we may at times get distractions about our meditation practice that interfere with its flow. We may still find ourselves comparing our practice with the ideal form of meditation we desire. Thus, it is important to keep in mind that we should accept and meditate with such thoughts, but refrain from acting on them. Meditation is an exercise in standing one’s ground in the culture of comparison and may help us turn away from the excessive and unhealthy tendency to compare.” – Kylie Y.

5. Journaling

“Comparison and setbacks can often bring us overwhelming emotions that are too much to handle. Journaling is a healthy way to express ourselves through keeping a record of our thoughts and feelings. It provides an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviours. It has been proven that journaling can bring several health benefits, such as reducing stress, helping with managing anxiety and depression etc. In addition, journaling can also help us identify and prioritise our problems and worries by tracking our daily concerns. By re-reading our journal entries, we can recognise our triggers and learn ways to better manage them.” – Kylie Y.

6. Focus on your own journey

“Setbacks and comparison are deeply intertwined. We may feel especially frustrated and discouraged when we see someone succeeding in something that we failed to do. Therefore, it is helpful to focus on our own personal growth instead of trying to compare our path to someone else’s, who might come from a different background and have different characteristics than we do. We cannot control what others do and the only things in our control are our own thoughts and actions, so why not focus on that?” – Nichole C.

7. Naming our inner critic 

“Giving a name to thoughts or emotions can help us manage them better. When we find ourselves comparing with other people, we can give such judgments a name, for example, Critical Carol. This helps us recognise the comparative thoughts and behaviours more easily and allows us to change our relationships with them. With practise, we can then create space between inner judgements and ourselves. It is important to understand that the voices in our heads don’t represent who we are as a person, and we are merely an observer of our thoughts. Although negative and critical thoughts may sometimes emerge, it does not reflect reality.” – Lesley Y.

8. Document your achievements 

“When comparing yourself to others, we focus on their strengths and ignore our own. That is why we should go ahead and make a list of our achievements. It doesn’t matter what they are, big or small, as long as they are something we are proud of for achieving. We can include everything that comes to our mind, then reflect on that list and post it somewhere we can see every day. This helps us acknowledge our hard work and talents instead of downplaying our own strengths and the effort we’ve put into reaching for our goals.” – Kylie Y.

References:

Chan, K. (2008). Social comparison of material possessions among adolescents. Qualitative market research: an international journal. Social comparison of material possessions among adolescents | Emerald Insight

Jensen, A. C., Pond, A. M., & Padilla-Walker, L. M. (2015). Why can’t I be more like my brother? The role and correlates of sibling social comparison orientation. Journal of youth and adolescence, 44(11), 2067-2078. Why Can’t I Be More Like My Brother? The Role and Correlates of Sibling Social Comparison Orientation | SpringerLink

Kircanski, K., Lieberman, M. D., & Craske, M. G. (2012). Feelings into words: Contributions of language to exposure therapy. Psychological science, 23(10), 1086-1091.

Smith-Jackson, T., & Reel, J. J. (2012). Freshmen women and the “Freshman 15”: perspectives on prevalence and causes of college weight gain. Journal of American College Health, 60(1), 14-20. Freshmen Women and the “Freshman 15”: Perspectives on Prevalence and Causes of College Weight Gain (tandfonline.com)

Verduyn, P., Gugushvili, N., Massar, K., Täht, K., & Kross, E. (2020). Social comparison on social networking sites. Current opinion in psychology. Social comparison on social networking sites – ScienceDirect 

How To Stop Comparing Yourself On Social Media https://victoriakleinsman.com/mindset/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-on-social-media/#:~:text=How%20to%20Reduce%20Social%20Media%20Comparisons%201%20Know,instead%20of%20noise%205%20Instead%2C%20Compare%20Yourself%20to%E2%80%A6Yourself

Meditation in a Culture of Comparison
https://www.themeditationblog.com/meditation-in-a-culture-of-comparison/#:~:text=Meditation%20is%20an%20exercise%20in%20standing%20one%E2%80%99s%20ground,from%20what%20the%20rest%20of%20our%20culture%20stimulates

Journaling for Mental Health
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1

Buunk, A. P., & Gibbons, F. X. (2007). Social comparison: The end of a theory and the emergence of a field. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 102(1), 3-21.

Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human relations, 7(2), 117-140.

Gibbons, F. X., & Buunk, B. P. (1999). Individual differences in social comparison: development of a scale of social comparison orientation. Journal of personality and social psychology, 76(1), 129.

Jones, D. C. (2001). Social comparison and body image: Attractiveness comparisons to models and peers among adolescent girls and boys. Sex roles, 45(9), 645-664.

Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of popular media culture, 3(4), 206.

Morrison, T. G., Kalin, R., & Morrison, M. A. (2004). Body-image evaluation and body-image investment among adolescents: a test of sociocultural and social comparison theories. Adolescence, 39(155), 571–592.

Cattarin, J. A., Thompson, J. K., Thomas, C., & Williams, R. (2000). Body image, mood, and televised images of attractiveness: The role of social comparison. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 19(2), 220-239.

Aspinwall, L. G., & Taylor, S. E. (1993). Effects of social comparison direction, threat, and self-esteem on affect, self-evaluation, and expected success. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64(5), 708–722.

Resources

Transitioning to University

Introduction

Congratulations to all high school graduates for making it through last year of high school! But your journey does not just end here – we are sure you have wondered about the transition from high school to university. 

New environment

You may be staying in the same country close to family and friends, or you are venturing away to continue your studies in a different country. Either way, you may feel anxious about adjusting to a new environment. These challenges might include: 

  • A new social environment and new relationships
  • Possible cultural differences
  • New academic challenges
  • Unfamiliar physical environment 

We asked soon-to-be university students what their main concerns are about going into university, and our university-student interns and clinical advisors are here to answer them!

TOPIC 1: Managing new relationships

  1. Many people say it’s hard to meet and keep friends, how do I maintain relationships in university? 

Michelle (First year): Don’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone and get to know people of different backgrounds. 

Charlie (Final year): My advice will be hanging out more with the group of people that you enjoy hanging out with, instead of trying to be friends with everyone. 

Ryan (First year): Ask them out for lunch sometime, go to the library together, or go do some sports! 

Natalie (Final year): I would say that regular meetups or interactions – whether online or offline – are crucial. 

Yan (Final year): you have to take initiative to meet up with friends. 

  1. Tips for making long-lasting relationships? 

Clinician’s response:

  • Go to social events and meetups, they are there to help you get social 
  • Join clubs or societies you are interested in, you know you will meet people who have similar interests and passions as you 
  • Stay flexible and keep an open mind. High school is often a bubble, this is the time to get out of the bubble and meet a diverse group of people  
  • Introduce yourself to students in your course, and form study groups 
  • Push yourself to get out of your comfort zone! 

Taking care of your mental health

The networks and friendships you make throughout university will help you foster good mental health, helping you fuel your engine to tackle upcoming challenges. University is the period of life where you are given the freedom to explore your interests with many opportunities it provides, which are the stepping stones for you to learn more about yourself. This is actually one of the main questions we received from high school students.

TOPIC 2: About orientation camps (“o-camps”)

Orientation camps are orientation activities organised by the university/ faculties/ societies/ clubs to welcome newcomers.

  1. Is it a must to join o-camps in the first year?

Michelle (First year): Joining orientation activities is certainly a good way to make new friends.

Ryan (First year): Joining o-camps is a nice way of meeting freshmen and senior year students who can give you valuable advice on university life, such as course selection matters, fun societies to join and even the quality of on-campus canteens! Of course, there is absolutely no pressure to join o-camps, and if you feel nervous or anxious it’s perfectly fine not to join! There are many other ways to meet new friends and learn more about your university, so make a decision based on your own feelings!

Charlie (Final year): Pro side is having a chance to meet more people and to know that there are people like you who are also worried about life in uni. Con side is it can be quite overwhelming to socialise for 3 to 4 whole days. Personally, as an introvert, I found it very tiring having to talk to people all the time. 

Natalie (Final year): I would strongly recommend freshmen to at least participate in the o-camp that is organised by the society of your major. O-camps are good opportunities for you to know people of the same major. This is important because you might attend the same classes with them over the next few years, and they could offer you support whenever you encounter problems during class. In addition, the seniors leading the o-camp activities (also called jo-ba or jo-ma, i.e. seniors with the “father” and “mother” role) could help you adjust to university life and might offer you valuable advice. 

  1. I skipped o-camps because I don’t like the culture and thought of o-camps, but everyone else has already made friends, and I think I’ve missed out on the opportunity to make friends and can’t fit in. 

Clinician’s response:

It makes sense that you’re feeling worried about making friends and fitting in. A lot of people, whether or not they attended o-camps, probably feel similarly.

Remind yourself that there will be plenty of other opportunities to meet people, and it’s likely that there are lots of people who also didn’t go to o-camps. It’s only one week and soon enough it will probably seem unimportant in the grand scheme of the many years you will spend at uni.

So, try to turn your focus now to other opportunities to meet people (e.g., in your lectures, through clubs), and remember that everyone is new at uni and trying to make friends.

TOPIC 3: Managing your studies

  1. What if I don’t know where my interest lies, I’m afraid I’ll pick the wrong major. 

Ryan (First year): Make the best out of your undergraduate years to figure out where your true interest lies. Your undergraduate studies don’t necessarily set your future career, so don’t worry too much about how choosing a wrong major may affect you.

Yan (Final year): You can start by talking about it with other course mates, or read introductory books. Another tip is to make good use of the add-drop period to try out different classes. Pay attention to how you handle different things at hand, stay open-minded and bold, and try different things.

Michelle (First year): Don’t be afraid of picking the wrong major. As a matter of fact, many people’s jobs aren’t related to their undergraduate studies. 

Charlie (Final year): Many people are able to transfer to other subjects or even change universities if they are not happy with their subjects. 

Natalie (Final year): if you do want to graduate according to plan, plan the possibilities of different courses ahead of time to ensure you can accumulate enough credits to graduate.

  1. If I’ve been studying for a while and figure I don’t really enjoy my course, and lose interest in it, what should I do?

Yan (Final year): Try pinpointing what you don’t like and be specific and try discussing this with friends and lecturers, because we will always encounter difficulties when studying, but this does not necessarily mean you dislike the whole course. Go back to the roots of your passion.

Ryan (First year): I would recommend you to get involved with things related to your major, e.g. related volunteering work, jobs, or workshops. Try and find out what you enjoy the most. 

Michelle (First year): Try looking for information online to see if you can transfer majors. 

Natalie (Final year): If you encounter this type of situation in Year 1 or Year 2 when you have not yet officially declared your major, you still have time to transfer. However, if you encounter this type of situation during Year 3 or after, you should seek help from your academic advisor who may help you find out where you are at. You can consider pursuing a master’s program that interests you after obtaining a bachelor’s degree.

Note:

Oftentimes with so much freedom to explore your interests and career journey, you are building the foundation that will lead you to your career path. There are many ways of planning that and sometimes you will experience speed bumps or detours. It’s important that you evaluate all decisions you make, and stay flexible and open minded.

TOPIC 4: What should I do when I couldn’t get into the university I want

  1. What if I got rejected from my first choice university?

Ryan (First year): Prepare yourself for your upcoming university experience! Much of what we get from our university life depends on our attitudes, so if we are always thinking about how it would have been different in hypothetical situations, we would not enjoy ourselves and gain little from our university experience. Join more activities, meet new people from different backgrounds, and explore fun and unique things about your university!

Natalie (Final year): Although you might miss certain experiences in your most preferred university, you could also gain exclusive experiences in other respective universities, so focus more on what you would like to achieve at university!

Michelle (First year): Believe in yourself. Sometimes, things happen for a reason and “all road leads to Rome”.

Charlie (Final year): Being successful is not just about getting into a good university. 

  1. I can’t get over the fact that I couldn’t get into my first and second choice universities. I feel so much guilt for not being able to meet my parents’ expectations. 

Clinicians’ response:

Setbacks happen, and sometimes things don’t turn out the way we expect or want them to be, which can affect how we feel.

But it’s important to remember that not getting into your first or second choice universities doesn’t define you as a person. What matters now is how you ‘solve’ the situation and move forward from here. There will be many opportunities ahead of you that are there for you to grasp and excel in, if you put your mind to it.

Feelings of guilt are natural. Guilt is an emotion, just like sadness or feeling happy, but can sometimes be internalised in a way that is not healthy, and can lead to anxiety and low mood.

Communicating how you feel with your parents, may help to relieve some stress around the situation, and reduce the chances of any misunderstandings. Your parent’s expectations of you are likely coming from a good place, i.e. their concern of wanting what is best for you – which may be wanting you to succeed and be happy.

So rather than allowing yourself to dwell over something that’s happened and can’t be changed, refocus your energy into what you can do, going forward. Set yourself some new goals, and make a plan towards how you can achieve them.

  1. I feel so ashamed of not being accepted into one of the top ranked universities, I don’t want to stay connected with my high school friends anymore.

Clinicians’ response:

Pause and ask yourself – whether this is truly a valid reason for cutting all contact with your high school friends? What would you, yourself say to a friend if they told you that this had happened to them and that this is what they had planned to do?

Not getting into a particular university doesn’t have to define who you are as a person. It’s quite common for students to not get accepted into a university that they had hoped to – getting into a top ranked university is a highly competitive process after all, and there are almost always less places compared to the number of individuals who apply for them. Many people graduate every year from various universities around the world that may be considered ‘lower ranked’, but then end up leading very successful and fulfilling lives and careers. The university ranking list is also constantly changing. What may be considered a “high-ranking” institution one year, may very well change in 3-4 years’ time. And despite the fact that it may seem like a lot of emphasis is placed on the universities you attended, depending on the career route you take, it is very likely that your job prospects will actually depend on a great deal of other factors too (i.e. the grades you obtain, the interpersonal skills you develop, the people you meet, etc.)

Additionally, what are the potential consequences of cutting all contact with your friends, especially if they are some of your close friends, after you leave high school? Potentially this may lead to unnecessary misunderstandings, and even more judgement (which was what you were trying to avoid in the first place!)

TOPIC 5: About university life

  1. If you were to go back to your freshman year, what would you tell yourself? 

Michelle (First year): To spend time wisely and enjoy the last moments before stepping into the workplace.

Natalie (Final year): I would tell myself to relax a little. Don’t be bothered by the most trivial things, and don’t hang onto the guilt of any minor mistakes I make. 

Yan (Final year): I would tell myself not to be afraid of failure. 

  1. What were your happiest and most disappointing moments in university? 

Charlie (Final year): I’m glad that I met a few true friends from university. One major thing that I felt unhappy about was always getting grades that are lower than I expected.

Michelle (First year): The happiest moment of my university life is that I can finally do what I have always wanted to do, studying full-time about the things I enjoy, living abroad… The most depressing thing is that sometimes you feel that you are on your own and you cannot fully rely on your parents anymore. 

Ryan (First year): The happiest moment is definitely getting to know a lot of friends from different backgrounds, and enjoying university life together. The most depressing moments would be needing to start working after graduation, the pressure that comes with my future and career. 

Natalie (Final year): The happiest thing is I can make good use of time to get to know myself more. On the flip side, the thing that frustrated me the most was having freeriders in group projects. In addition, finding a close friend in university is as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack.

Yan (Final year): The happiest thing is studying in a course I enjoy, with good educational support. The most difficult part is to do something I’m not good at, such as research, data analysis, and dealing with freeriders for group projects.

  1. What are the things that you learned the most during university life?

Charlie (Final year): Being on a committee of a society, I learned so much about how to socialise with people, how to lead a team, how to deal with unpleasant people and how to work with a group of people.

Michelle (First year): Having a friend is better than having a foe, and white lies could be beneficial sometimes.

Ryan (First year): To make yourself stand out amongst other students, you have to actively pursue learning opportunities. This involves taking the initiative to approach companies for internships and professors for research opportunities. 

Natalie (Final year): First, be proactive. Self-learning and self-discipline are also key at university. Second, enjoy! With the more flexible scheduling at university, you should make good use of your free time to explore yourself or many things outside your study. Third, prioritise yourself. You do not have to force yourself to socialise with people and do things you feel uncomfortable with.

TOPIC 6: What if I am seeing a counsellor

  1. I’ve been seeing a counsellor at my high school, should I continue in university?

Charlie (Final year): Getting into the next stage of life sometimes can be quite overwhelming, it’s a good thought to regularly check in with a counsellor to make sure you are doing well mentally.

Ryan (First year): I would suggest continuing to see a counsellor, at least for the first few months of your new university life. Having a counsellor to share your thoughts can be helpful and help your transition towards university life. 

Yan (Final year): I would say put your mental health first is a priority!

  1. I’ve been seeing a counsellor at high school and we have a bond, but now that I’ve graduated, I don’t want to continue.

Clinicians’ response:

If you are wanting to discontinue sessions with a counsellor (no matter what the reason), the best thing you can do is to communicate this with them. Counsellors are there to support you, and your needs, and they shouldn’t take it personally if you decide you no longer wish to pursue sessions.

It might be the case that you’ve already achieved some good work together during the sessions that you have attended, and given you’re now graduating, this may be an appropriate time to bring things to an end anyway. It always helps, if you’re able to be open and honest with your counsellor about how you’re feeling and how you’re finding the sessions. Therefore, if you’re wanting to bring things to an end, don’t be afraid to bring this up, as it will give you and your counsellor a chance to plan what you’d like to discuss or focus on, in the remaining time that you have together. 

  1. But what if I’m afraid my new friends won’t be friends with me if they found out I’m seeing a counsellor?

Clinicians’ response:

Counsellors have rules around confidentiality so it’s unlikely that your new friends would find out you’re seeing someone unless you decided to tell them. It’s important to remember that accessing mental health support shouldn’t be viewed any differently to seeing a medical professional about physical health. If you feel comfortable to do so, having open conversations with friends about mental health is one of the ways we can continue to decrease the stigma around seeking mental health support. Remember, true friends would want you to get whatever support you may need in order to feel settled, safe and fulfilled.

TOPIC 7: How to deal with stress and workload at university

  1. There are so many smart people in university and I feel like I can’t measure up, how do I get over feeling inadequate among my fellow course mates or new peers? 

Clinicians’ response:

You’re not alone in feeling like this. It’s a big transition, and many students go from feeling like a big fish in a small pond, at high school, to feeling like a small fish in a big pond, at university. When we constantly compare ourselves to others, it can lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem and anxiety. Try to catch yourself when you do this, and then refocus your attention on more positive self-talk e.g., reminding yourself that you have also earned your place at university, reflecting on your own strengths and successes (both academic and non-academic).

  1. How do I handle the stress and workload at university? 

Clinicians’ response:

In much the same way you’ve already been doing! Don’t discount what you’ve achieved – you finished high school at a really challenging time. As a result of school closures, you had to demonstrate self-discipline and independence – these skills will be really helpful at university.

Below are a few tips for managing your workload at university:

  • Set a routine. A routine helps you to put structure in when things are busy. Make sure you set aside time for your academic work as well as downtime to allow you to recharge. Remember to also leave time for things that may come up unexpectedly.
  • Set priorities. Organize tasks based on due dates, workload and your strengths and preferences. Map out key dates for assignments/exams and then consider how much time you will need to prepare for each. Prioritize items that are due soon or those that will take longer to complete. Knowing that you are taking care of more difficult items first will help you feel more confident.
  • Create to-do lists. Daily to-do lists can help you break tasks down into manageable steps and reduce the chances of feeling overwhelmed. Being able to cross items off as you complete them will also give you a sense of accomplishment and helps you to maintain motivation.
  • Try not to procrastinate. Procrastinating only causes our to-do lists to grow, which can make it harder to catch up and can make us feel overwhelmed. Of course, it’s important to take breaks, but try your best to stay on track with the routine you’ve set for yourself. There are lots of helpful tips on managing procrastination here: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Procrastination
  • Get your sleep! When we’re busy, we often compromise the amount of sleep we get, but this only causes us to be more tired and less efficient. Being tired affects our ability to focus as well as our memory. Make sure a good night’s sleep is part of your routine.
  • Make time for yourself. Whether it is spending time with friends and family, or doing something enjoyable yourself, it is crucial to set aside time when you are not doing work. This will help you recharge and is a great way to reward yourself for your hard work.
  • Ask for help. There are people at university whose job it is to help you if you are feeling overwhelmed, so remember to ask for help if you need it.

Conclusion

You might come to read this booklet with different expectations, but one thing we wish you walk away with is to remember to take care of yourself throughout your years in university. 

Resources

Coping with Bad World News

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t”

Steve Maraboli, behavioural scientist, speaker and author

We currently live in a world that’s more connected than ever before.

Nowadays, the news is no longer limited to traditional mass media like TV and newspapers, but it also floods our social media and smartphone apps.

With so much information at our fingertips, we might feel pressured to constantly stay up to date, or worry that we’re missing out on important announcements if we don’t check the news.

While having access to world news has many benefits, especially during a global pandemic, it can also get extremely overwhelming and take a toll on our mental health.

Being surrounded by technology, it can be hard to take a break from the news, or to know how and when to limit the amount of negative, sensational information we’re receiving.

Given that watching or reading the news is an integral part of many of our lives, it’s important to learn how to cope with bad world news in a healthy way.

How much is too much?

It can be tricky to know if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the news – especially when feeling sad, scared, or shocked can be normal reactions to alarming events that have been reported in the media.  Evolutionarily, we have a natural tendency to focus on negative information because it could serve as important cues for potential threats (Vaish, Grossmann, & Woodward, 2008).

However, if you find yourself constantly thinking about the news even after turning your attention to other activities; re-checking updates and feeling panicky, agitated or restless if you don’t keep up; or feel that your reactions are interfering with your daily life, you might benefit from taking a break.

Tips on coping with bad world news

  1. Seek reliable sources and understand the media’s motives 

Nowadays, a lot of content creators and even news sources rely on clicks or views to generate revenue for their work, and there’s been more competition to capture the viewer’s attention. This has led to a rise in sensationalism – the presentation of stories in a way that is designed to provoke an exaggerated emotional response. Headlines that are crafted to grab your attention might emphasise serious consequences or harm but may not fully convey the actual risk of such events happening. 

Keeping this in mind, it’s especially important to seek reliable sources from trusted news agencies and websites who are able to rely less on sensationalism and put out a balanced view more consistently.

  1. Reflect on your limits and set boundaries

Everyone may have different triggers and it can be helpful to have a think about what part(s) of the media specifically cause distress.

For example, if you find seeing images or videos stressful, you could try downloading apps that just show the news with text or listening to the radio or podcasts.

If you find that reading the news late at night disturbs sleep, you could set a limit (for example, 6pm), after which you will not consume any news and tell yourself that you can always catch up on anything you’ve missed the next day.

If there are specific social media accounts or pages that are repeatedly showing you unwanted content, you can also unfollow or mute the pages or mark specific posts as ‘unhelpful’, which can reduce the likelihood you will be shown similar content in the future, or switch off all breaking news notifications entirely.

You can also try setting limits at family gatherings where everyone agrees not to discuss the news.

  1. Actively seek positive news

Stanford’s Gore-Felton noted that we can actually end up feeling worse when we “deprive [ourselves] of happiness in hard times out of a sense of solidarity with those who are suffering”.

In fact, it’s been shown that actively seeking positive news can help us feel better, too. People who access a constructive news summary (i.e. stories that highlighted societal progress and solutions) are more likely to feel positive than those who consumed traditional news (McIntyre, 2020).

Remind yourself of things that make you happy – and search for good news in your own life, instead of just consuming bad news.

  1. Set a “worry time”

This is a technique to help digest news and manage symptoms of anxiety, where you focus on worrying for a short period of time, rather than having a wide range of situations and contexts throughout your day that could potentially elicit personal worry.

It has been demonstrated to help lower levels of worry, anxiety, and insomnia among individuals with high trait levels of worry (McGowan and Behar, 2012).

To practice this strategy effectively, our clinical advisor Odile suggests that you can try:

  • scheduling your “worry time” for the same time every day
  • making sure that it is later in the day but not too close to bed time 
  • keeping it shorter than 30 mins 
  • making sure it is not in a place that is associated with comfort (e.g. not in bed) 
  • plan what you will do after your worry time (a fun or comforting activity) 
  • using the worry time productively to assess if the worry is in your control or not (if it is in your control, make a plan; if it is outside your control, reflect on whether it is worth the time and energy you are giving it)

When worries inevitably arise throughout the day, you can jot them down in a notebook and come back to them during your allocated worry time!

  1. Talk it out

Seeking connection with friends, family, classmates or colleagues may help you cope with recent world events that have brought anxiety, sadness or other confusing emotions. By talking it out, you may be able to pinpoint specific things that caused fear, put them into perspective, and feel less alone.

However, it is important to remind ourselves that we cannot control other people’s reactions and not everyone may have interpreted things the way we have. Just because someone is not having the same reaction does not mean yours is any less valid, nor does it mean they must eventually be convinced to have the same thoughts as you.

Remember to secure your own oxygen mask first – if you aren’t okay, then you won’t be able to help anyone else feel better either. No matter what goes on in the world, what you can control is how well you look after and treat yourself.

  1. Keep up with self-care

Sometimes it is inevitable that unfortunate events happen in global affairs. After we learn about upsetting incidents, it can be helpful to engage in self-care.

For example, some newspapers may have sections on sports, or arts and culture (including restaurant, book or music reviews) which you may find interesting.

You can save some of your favourite songs in a playlist to listen to after a podcast or news clip brings you down. Or, you can take a digital detox by disconnecting from the internet for a bit and going outside for a short walk or taking a hot shower.

Choosing not to keep up with the news if it is bringing you stress doesn’t make you an ‘uneducated’ or ‘lazy’ person – finding balance for yourself, no matter what that looks like, is key.

Self -care idea: try progressive muscle relaxation techniques!

First proposed by Jacobson in 1938, the idea is to tense up and relax different muscles in your body.

A study by Szabo & Hopkinson (2007) found that with 15 minutes of progressive relaxation exercise, participants showed improvements in mood disturbance and anxiety in response to watching TV news.

A guide to the muscle groups:

  • Hands (clench) 
  • Wrists and forearms (extend and bend) 
  • Biceps and upper arms (bend and flex) 
  • Shoulders (shrug) 
  • Forehead (wrinkle into a frown)
  • Eyes and bridge of the nose
  • Cheeks and jaws (smile!) 
  • Around the mouth (press lips together)
  • Neck (tilt head back) 
  • Chest (deep breath, hold, exhale) 
  • Back (arch up and away from floor/chair) 
  • Stomach (suck) 
  • Thighs (clench) 
  • Feet (point toes)

For more info:

https://www.studenthealth.gov.hk/english/relaxation/relaxation.html

Youth sharing

Charlotte Chan, 22, Coolminds Website Project Coordinator

I have a few news apps on my phone and at the start of the pandemic, I had the habit of checking them as little ‘study breaks’ in between tasks – but I always found myself getting sucked in and having a hard time redirecting my focus away from the news, even after I put my phone down! One article seemed to lead to another, and after lots of scrolling and checking, I noticed myself feeling quite drained afterwards. It was only when I started being more mindful of the kinds of headlines I was reading that I realized probably 80% of the articles I was reading was bad news, such as COVID deaths or other upsetting events that had happened. With that imbalance, and the lack of good news I was consuming, no wonder I felt low afterwards!

Read more tips from our youth writers on the Coolminds Blog!

Nichole Chong, 3rd year Psychology & Neuroscience student at HKU: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/coping-with-bad-world-news-youth-sharing-from-nichole-chong/

Marta Gramatyka, 21, student at CUHK: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/coping-with-bad-world-news-youth-sharing-from-marta/

Janice To, 18, 1st year Biomedicine student at University of Melbourne: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/coping-with-bad-world-news-youth-sharing-from-janice/

Lesley Yuen, 3rd year Psychology student at Lancaster University: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/coping-with-bad-world-news-youth-sharing-from-lesley/

References 

  1. “Stress in America™ 2020: A National Mental Health Crisis.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, 2020, www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2020/report-october. 
  2. Beyer, Rebecca. “How to Cope with the News.” STANFORD Magazine, Mar. 2019, stanfordmag.org/contents/how-to-cope-with-the-news. 
  3. Bodas M, Siman-Tov M, Peleg K, Solomon Z. Anxiety-Inducing Media: The Effect of Constant News Broadcasting on the Well-Being of Israeli Television Viewers. Psychiatry. 2015;78(3):265-76. doi: 10.1080/00332747.2015.1069658. PMID: 26391834.
  4. Johnston WM, Davey GC. The psychological impact of negative TV news bulletins: the catastrophizing of personal worries. Br J Psychol. 1997 Feb;88 ( Pt 1):85-91. doi: 10.1111/j.2044-8295.1997.tb02622.x. PMID: 9061893.
  5. Lau JT, Lau M, Kim JH, Tsui HY. Impacts of media coverage on the community stress level in Hong Kong after the tsunami on 26 December 2004. J Epidemiol Community Health. 2006 Aug;60(8):675-82. doi: 10.1136/jech.2005.041897. PMID: 16840756; PMCID: PMC2588088.
  6. Liu, Jean C, and Eddie M Tong. “The Relation Between Official WhatsApp-Distributed COVID-19 News Exposure and Psychological Symptoms: Cross-Sectional Survey Study.” Journal of Medical Internet Research, vol. 22, no. 9, 2020, doi:10.2196/22142. 
  7. McGowan, Sarah Kate, and Evelyn Behar. “A Preliminary Investigation of Stimulus Control Training for Worry.” Behavior Modification, vol. 37, no. 1, 2012, pp. 90–112., doi:10.1177/0145445512455661. 
  8. McIntyre, Karen. “‘Tell Me Something Good’: Testing the Longitudinal Effects of Constructive News Using the Google Assistant.” Association for Education in Journalism and Mass Communication, vol. 14, no. 1, 2 Mar. 2020, pp. 37–54. 
  9. Ni, Michael Y, et al. “Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress during Major Social Unrest in Hong Kong: a 10-Year Prospective Cohort Study.” The Lancet, vol. 395, no. 10220, 2020, pp. 273–284., doi:10.1016/s0140-6736(19)33160-5. 
  10. Shabahang, Reza. “Online Health Information Utilization and Online News Exposure as Predictor of COVID19 Anxiety.” North American Journal of Psychology, vol. 22, no. 3, 2020, pp. 469–482., www.researchgate.net/publication/344408789_Online_Health_Information_Utilization_and_Online_News_Exposure_as_Predictor_of_COVID19_Anxiety. 
  11. Vaish A, Grossmann T, Woodward A. Not all emotions are created equal: the negativity bias in social-emotional development. Psychol Bull. 2008;134(3):383-403. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.134.3.383

Further Reading

  1. https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-bad-world-news 
  2. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/culture-news/news/a41925/10-ways-to-handle-bad-news-without-despairing/
  3. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327516
  4. https://www.calmmoment.com/wellbeing/how-to-cope-when-the-news-makes-you-feel-stressed-and-depressed/ 
  5. https://www.health.com/condition/stress/how-to-cope-with-bad-news-anxiety-depression 
  6. https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/healthy-living/when-the-world-seems-horrible/ 
  7. https://stanfordmag.org/contents/how-to-cope-with-the-news 
  8. https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/blog/health-and-other-forms-of-anxiety-and-coronavirus/ 

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): http://www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/

Resources

Transitioning into the Workplace

In Hong Kong, over 20,000 graduate from university annually and the majority enter the workforce soon after. Transitioning to a new environment, adapting to new norms and culture, and handling ambiguous boundaries and goals can be frustrating – it has been made especially hard during COVID-19. Around one-third of ‘workplace freshmen’ report feeling anxious, with key concerns about job performance and interpersonal relationships (Taiwan Jobs, 2017). These trends are relevant here in Hong Kong, where 36% of young adults in the workplace experience depressive and/or anxiety symptoms (CUHK, 2018).

The transition period between university and work is important to address, in order to ensure good mental well-being. Our brains and our capacity to regulate emotions continue to develop until we’re about 25 years old. Also, 75% of mental health problems develop before the age of 24 years. This means that young people are particularly vulnerable to stressors during this period. Luckily, intervention is especially effective during the time that our brains are developing, so making sure you and others around you get the right support is incredibly important.

Adapting to new environment

How adaptation and change can impact mental health

The transition to the workforce is a big one. There may be other significant changes that occur alongside it, such as moving to a new area or home, or shifting friendship networks. The COVID-19 pandemic has added some other unique challenges, such as financial concerns, lack of in-person social networks in the workplace, and others. Changes, even positive ones, can cause feelings of stress and uncertainty. Not knowing what to expect can be uncomfortable and will naturally generate some worry. For some, the stress associated with change can feel overwhelming and can impact their mental health. It is important to pay attention to how you’re feeling and reach out for support if you’re struggling.

Learn about the work culture

Learning about your work environment and culture can help you gain a better understanding of your workplace and the people around you. It reduces conflict and miscommunication and facilitates relationships with colleagues. Observing and listening to interactions between coworkers can help you to understand the common practices in the office.

Manage expectations

When adapting to a new role, it is normal to feel lost and question whether you are doing what you have been asked to do, and doubt your capability of performing well in this job.

To manage this, print out or write down your job description, and pin it to a place where you can see it. Whenever you are in doubt, take a look at the job description and reflect on whether you have completed your role’s responsibilities. It is also a great way to remind yourself of your goals and set boundaries.

Balance between your values and the work culture

Sometimes the workplace culture may differ from your personal values and beliefs, which can be frustrating. This does not mean you need to completely change to fit in or quit because it violates your values. Find a balance and explore the middle ground that minimises the impact of your work, while still holding on to your beliefs and values.

Give yourself a break

It takes time to adapt to a new environment, especially if you are working from home. Give yourself a break if you are having trouble adjusting to a new culture. However, if you are really struggling in your new workplace, try to discuss this with your line manager or colleagues you trust to see if there are other ways to help you adjust better.

Meeting new people

Developing good connections with your colleagues can help you to build a support network and make the workplace a more enjoyable place. Here are some of the ways you can develop connections with your colleagues:

  • Have lunch together. Go out for lunch with your colleagues, or simply grab lunch together, so you can get to know more about each other.
  • Find common ground. Find common interests and hobbies that both of you enjoy, so you have something positive to talk about and improve your relationships.
  • Team building. Joining team building activities to get to know your colleagues, and to skill up communication and collaboration skills, which can help you to work more effectively.
  • Greet your colleagues before diving into work. If you are working from home during the pandemic, greeting your colleagues gives you a chance to connect with your colleagues, and get to know more about them.
  • Turn on your camera if you are video-calling your colleagues. This can be a way to show respect, so they know they are not talking to a computer. Turning on your camera also makes you more approachable and friendly.
  • If you are working from home and not meeting a lot of people, try setting up coffee or lunch chats with your colleagues to get to know them – this can be done in person or by video call.

Some points to consider before befriending your coworkers:

  • Be genuine. Being genuine makes you more approachable and trustworthy.
  • Set your boundaries. It is important to set your own boundaries, so your coworkers know what behaviours are acceptable and respect your personal space.
  • Respect others’ boundaries. Although it is great to have friends at work, not everyone is looking to create work relationships. Respect others’ boundaries and personal space.

What if I can’t make new friends at work?

It’s important to note that it’s not always possible to have good personal relationships with all your colleagues. If you and your colleagues don’t get along, keep a professional distance and show respect. It also helps you to stay focused on your work. You don’t have to force yourself to fit in just to be friends with your coworkers, but respect others, as you are still working in the same environment.

Managing Workplace conflict  

Workplace conflict is sometimes unavoidable, and you might need to work with people you don’t like, or their behaviours may affect your work.

  • Addressing your concerns. If your coworker significantly impacts your work, you may want to address your concerns with them. Take some time to organise your feelings and thoughts, and explain it to them calmly to sort things out. If you do not want to talk to them, you may also seek help from HR or your line manager.
  • Avoid participating in gossip. Although people think gossiping is a great way to bond, it may stir up workplace conflicts, which can put a strain on your relationship with colleagues.
  • Keep a professional distance. If you and your colleagues do not get along well, keep a professional distance and stay focused on your work.

Learn more about managing workplace conflict here: https://www.mind.org.hk/mental-health-a-to-z/mental-health-at-work/how-can-i-manage-conflict-at-work/

Managing your work

It is normal to feel lost and overwhelmed in the midst of work, especially when you are working on multiple projects at once. The sense of loneliness during COVID-19, due to lack of in-person support, may exacerbate these feelings. Here are some tips to help you regain some control over your work.

Managing workloads

  • Briefly plan out your workflow at the start of the week. This gives you a better idea of what your capacity looks like to help with external tasks or urgent work. Estimating the amount of time needed to complete a task also helps to manage your time better.
  • Keep a schedule of your work deadlines and meeting. This helps you to organise your work time and allows you to plan around your workload. It can be a bullet journal, schedule book, or even a google calendar.
  • Visualising your work helps you to prevent your brain from overloading with information; it is also a great way to identify anything that is unclear or uncertain. Some examples include writing down the tasks that you need to complete or visualising your workflow and ideas through mind maps or flowcharts.
  • Break down your work into smaller tasks. For example, if you are writing up a report, break it down into different sessions and complete it part by part.
  • Communicate with your coworkers before you start working. Go through your workflows together to avoid doubling the work, or any misunderstandings.
  • Schedule breaks between tasks. Taking a break allows your brain to rest and be prepared for the next tasks. Completing routine tasks (e.g. replying to emails, filing papers, etc.) can also be a form of ‘brain rest’.
  • If you find yourself struggling with the amount of workload, you may want to discuss this with your manager to readjust your tasks and deadlines or acquire external help.

To ask or not to ask?

Often times we are too afraid to ask because we are scared of being scolded or judged by our manager or coworker for asking ‘stupid’ questions. Ask your line manager or coworkers if you are uncertain – it is always better to be safe than sorry. If available, you can also check to see if there are any guidelines or templates that you can follow. If you are uncertain about the workflow, run your plans with coworkers before you start to avoid miscommunication.

“I got a lot of questions but am too afraid to ask, because I am scared that people will think I am dumb.”

Fresh Grad, age 22

When should I say ‘No’?

Saying ‘No’ can be hard, but when you are already struggling with your own tasks, pushing yourself to do extra tasks may lead to burnout, and also affect the quality of work. Consider your capacity to complete the task before offering to help. If you are unable to help, explain to your colleague and offer alternative ways to help with the situation.

Managing stress and building resilience

No matter if it is the stress from work or the high expectation that you set for yourself, here are some useful tips that can help you to manage your stress, or build your resilience to prepare yourself for future adversities:

  • Identify your stressors. Keep a record of triggers that makes you stressed and identify useful coping strategies that help you to overcome the situation, so you can be better prepared next time.
  • Keep a compliment record. Adapting to change is hard, and there will be times when you doubt yourself and lose the motivation to keep working. Keep a record of compliments from customers, coworkers, your manager, or even from yourself, to remind yourself that you are able to do it. This can be a motivation boost for you to keep going on.
  • Practise mindfulness or relaxation skills. There are a lot of videos online and free apps that guide you through mindfulness or breathing exercises, which have been found to be helpful in managing stress in the long run.
  • Don’t compare yourself with others. It is easy to fall into a rabbit hole of comparing yourself with your coworkers or your friends. Although it can be a way to motivate yourself to do better, it puts a strain on yourself, and can negatively affect your mental health in the long run. Focus on your current tasks and find ways to improve your skills.

Here are some other tips on managing stress and being more resilient: https://www.mind.org.hk/mental-health-a-to-z/stress/becoming-more-emotionally-resilient/

Work-life balance

One of the biggest challenges is to maintain a work-life balance. Especially when you are still adapting to a new environment, new schedules and tasks can be overwhelming, you may find yourself sacrificing your private time to complete your work. Working from home diminishes the boundary between work and personal life – work-life balance needs to be made a priority if this is the case.

“It is hard to hang out with my friends after full-time. Even if we did, we are all ‘zombie-like’, and we can’t hang out too long cause everyone needs to leave early. My work and social life is not balanced at all.”

Fresh Grad, age 22

Signs of burn out

  • Fatigue and tired all the time
  • Headache
  • Feeling on edge or irritated
  • Feeling trapped and helpless
  • Loss of interest to activities
  • Feeling detached from the world
  • Not wanting to meet friends or family

Learn more about the impact of stress on our mental health here: https://www.mind.org.hk/mental-health-a-to-z/stress/about/

Finding balance

Maintaining a work-life balance is never easy. This is especially true when you are new to the workplace and there is a lot of catching up to be done, or you feel the need to perform well and stand out from the crowd. We may find ourselves stressed out and on the verge of burning out just to complete our jobs or fit into the work environment. While finding balance takes time, here are some tips to help you to maintain a work-life balance:

  • Explore and set your boundaries. For instance, setting a time to check and reply to emails or setting limits to your work hours. This is especially important during COVID-19 when many of us are working from home.
  • Shut off your computer during your off days, so you won’t have to worry about working during your off days. If you have installed email or communication software on your phone for work, turning off notifications also helps.
  • Turn on ‘Do not disturb’ mode on your phone at night. Give yourself some me-time and use the time to do whatever you like – catching up with TV dramas, reading, listening to music, or sleeping.
  • If you are working from home, separate your workspace from your bedroom or resting area. Environment greatly affects our perception – staying in your workspace helps you to focus on your tasks, heading to your resting area can signal you that your work time is over.
  • Pick up a new hobby. This can help you to steer your mind off from work and temporarily escape from the hustle. It can be learning new instruments, new skills, or exercise.
  • Connect with friends and family. Friends and family can be your support network when you are stressed. Just a text message or a phone call can already make a huge difference. You can also talk about other things to get your mind off work.

Finding your social support

Source of social support

A lot of people will turn to their friends and family when they are stressed. Some companies also offer Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) to support employee wellbeing. If you need support for your workload, you may also discuss this with your manager, or the HR department, to see what help is available and what changes can be made.

Sharing your struggles

If you are experiencing emotional distress or a mental health problem, you may want to talk to someone about how you feel. Some people may be concerned about opening up with their parents because they don’t want their parents to be worried. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing this with your family, you may consider talking to people you trust. There are also online mental health support platforms that allow you to talk to someone anonymously:

OpenUp: 24-hour chatroom for individuals aged between 11-35. English and Cantonese. WhatsApp/SMS: 91 012 012. Facebook/ Instagram/ Wechat: hkopenup

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong Chatpoint Chinese. IOS/ Android mobile application: Chat窿

uTouch Chinese. Whatsapp: 6277 8899. Online counselling: uTouch.hk. Instagram: utouch_hkfyg

If you are experiencing a mental health problem and would like to seek professional help, help is available. There are free/ subsidised mental health services provided by local NGOs available. You may also visit your closest Integrated Community Centre for Mental Wellbeing (ICCMW) to look for mental health support. It is okay to take leave if you feel unwell – sickness absence for your mental health is just as valid as absence for physical health problems.

Resources

What is Meditation?

What is mindfulness meditation?

  • Mindfulness meditation is simply dropping down into our body & feeling the sensations of our body & our changing emotions.
  • We are simply being present with what is going on inside us.
  • We are anchoring ourselves in our present. Our thoughts no longer drive us to the past or the future, instead, we are fully living here.

Why is meditation important?

  • Allows us to understand our mind and take control of it instead of having it control us. It brings inner peace and self awareness.
  • Allows us to be present: to be aware of what is happening here and now: in our thoughts, our emotions, our bodies.
  • Allows us to stop identifying with our thoughts and emotions.
  • We have space to CHOOSE how to react, to CHOOSE the story we tell about ourselves.

How often should I practise?

  • Start with a short meditation every day, five minutes of sitting down in the morning.
  • Once you have a consistent habit, you may start to slowly increase the time you meditate for.
  • Constancy over quantity 

Benefits of mindfulness meditation

  • Meditation helps you break out of negative thought patterns by giving you clarity.
  • It can bring the simple peace and joy of being present, as you are less likely to repeat negative reactive patterns.
  • The same way we have body hygiene, we need to have mental hygiene, to keep not just our body clean but our mind too.
  • It is not just a personal responsibility but a collective one. When you centred and balanced within your mind, you spread that peace with everyone you meet through your own behaviour.

Resources

Holiday Survival Guide

Managing holiday stress

Welcome to the holiday season, a time to give gifts, attend parties and enjoy it all! Although the whole spirit of the holidays is supposed to be fun and joyful, it’s also a stressful time for many. Excessive eating, drinking and gatherings can sometimes be overwhelming and too much to handle. 

Remember before taking care of everybody else’s needs, you are first and foremost responsible for your own needs! Pick those who matter the most and maybe skip the rest if it feels overwhelming. 

Be aware of your own capacity and never overwork yourself because it’s never worth it, especially when the holiday seasons are supposed to give you the time and space to do things you find fun and relaxing.

Wellbeing during the holidays

Holidays are always a time to enjoy some nice food and see your families. But the holidays season will be different this time around. Due to the global spread of coronavirus, we are not able to travel and have big gatherings. 

If you feel lonely and awkward, it’s alright and not at all weird – it is a common feeling for some people to feel out of place at this time of the year. 

In fact, this could be the perfect time for you to take care of yourself. Listen to what your head, heart and body want. It is good to let yourself take a break and treat yourself sometimes.

The effects of COVID during the holidays 

The COVID-19 pandemic has been very stressful for many of us. It is safe to say that having fewer large gatherings could reduce the spread of COVID-19, keeping our families and friends safe.

If we’re not going to be flying to other beautiful places in the world, why not consider having small hiking trips around Hong Kong? Of course this should be done under certain precautions but this could be the perfect time to appreciate the local beauty of our hometown.

Maybe you will discover some local gems that you would have never considered looking for.

Helpful tips

Breathe

Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, take time to breathe. Deep breathing helps lower your heart rate and blood pressure, and helps us to calm down.

Give

Volunteering your time to a good cause is a great way to contribute to your community, especially now when some in our community might be struggling. You could volunteer your time with a local organisation or organise a food or gift drive. Giving helps us gain perspective, lifts up others, and makes us feel good as well.

Gratitude

Expressions of gratitude can improve our mood, reduce stress levels, as well as strengthen our social connections. So take the time to write down a few things you are grateful for every day, or express your gratitude to someone in your life.

Move

Staying active is essential for both our mental and physical health. Carve out time to move, every day. This can be going for a walk, doing a virtual workout class, or playing a sport

Treat Yo’Self

The holiday season can get busy, so take the time to practice self-care. Make sure that you are freeing up a little bit of time, every day, to do something that you enjoy – exercise, reading a good book, drawing, watching a show or playing a game.

Take notice

When there is a lot going on around us it is easy to forget to take notice of the little pleasures. When you are experiencing something enjoyable, pause and notice and savour the moment. Taking a photo to capture the moment can be helpful!

Connect

We know that “togetherness” will be a little different this year, but it doesn’t mean that it’s cancelled. Spend time with your family and friends if it is safe to do so. Engage in safe activities such as taking a hike, ordering-in fun meals, or decorating the house. For those loved ones whom you are not able to physically be with, set up holiday-themed virtual meet-ups to catch up.

Resources

Parents’ Guide to Navigating COVID-19

Efforts to stem the spread of COVID-19 through public health measures such as social distancing and self-isolation have taken a toll on Hong Kong’s youth. With prolonged school closures, many youth have increased their screen time and reduced their physical activity as well as face-to-face social interaction, which can contribute to low mood and loneliness. Changes in routine combined with the anxiety and stress associated with a new and unknown virus can lead to changes in behavior.

As a parent, it may be stressful to take care of both your own and your children’s mental health and wellbeing. This booklet aims to discuss how you, as a parent, can support your kids as well as yourself during these difficult times.

Talk it out

Talking to your young person about what is going on and why can help relieve some tension from both your and their minds. If you have noticed changes in your teenager, gently let them know what you have noticed and let them know there is no judgement. This is especially important to build trust. As parents, you are probably busier than ever, trying to manage work, home learning and other responsibilities. Therefore, it’s important to make a conscious effort to keep the lines of communication open.

Timing

Find a good time to talk, when you feel in a good headspace to do so and will be unlikely to be interrupted. If it’s not the right time, let your child know that you want to give them your full attention, and let them know when that will be.

Honesty

Be honest about what is happening in the world, and share only the facts to avoid unnecessary worries. It’s OK to say you don’t know the answer to a question and follow-up with the information later on or explain that there are many unknowns right now. Helping your teenager learn to sit with uncertainty is an important life lesson.

Active listening

Ensure that you are really listening to what they say, and let the conversation progress at their pace. Be a good listener, communicate that you respect their point of view, and validate what they are experiencing and their feelings. Remember, you can validate their experience even if you don’t agree with it or feel the same way. Offering reassurance or advice too quickly can have the opposite effect. Instead, focus on the idea of ‘listening without fixing’.

Shared resources

Let them know that there is help available and encourage them to talk to a doctor, other health professional, friend or family member if they need it. Do share a list of services designed specifically for young people in Hong Kong, which you can find on the Coolminds website.

Missed opportunities + Handling grief

Young people will likely face a lot of disappointments during this time such as missed school, parties, graduation, visiting universities, sports, and competitions for which they have prepared. As some of these are important milestones, it’s crucial to acknowledge these losses and the impact they have.

Let them know that it’s OK to feel angry, sad and frustrated, this may actually help them accept the disappointment.

Reassure them they are not alone and that, during this confusing time, many have been impacted and are also grieving for the losses caused by the pandemic.

Missing out on these types of events can also cause anxiety and low mood, so it is important to be on the look-out for that.

Here are some tips to help your young person cope with these losses:

  • Stay connected

Find ways for them to stay connected to their friends. You may consider relaxing screen time rules to allow for this.

  • Engage in personal expression

Journaling, drawing, painting, playing music, and dancing among others.

  • Practising self-care

Ensure they get enough sleep and exercise, consider introducing meditation and/or yoga.

  • Challenge negative thoughts

Reframe negative thoughts that might be out of proportion with less extreme and more realistic ones.

  • Enjoying the wins

Some aspects of the situations such as missing classes they don’t like or activities they do not enjoy may be welcomed at this time, allow them to appreciate and celebrate these small “wins”.

  • Continue the conversation

Don’t just check-in once, do so periodically as feelings and thoughts may change.

You might also feel a sense of sadness and grief at missing important milestones in your children’s lives. It is important to take the time to recognize your own disappointment and practise self-validation by acknowledging that these feelings are fair and valid despite seemingly bigger issues in the world. Take the time to grieve for these losses.

Youth mental health

It is important to understand that the measures we have to use to protect us from COVID-19 can impact our mental health. The fear of getting infected, uncertainty about the future, and all of the changes we’ve made to our routines can cause feelings of anxiety, while social distancing measures can lead to feelings of isolation and low mood. This is true for all of us and even more pronounced for those who have struggled with their mental health before the outbreak. It is therefore important to pay attention to your child’s mental health and wellbeing.

Normalise anxiety

Explain to them that anxiety is a natural feeling to have when there is a threat present, as is the case right now.

Discuss their perspective on the dangers involved and ensure that they are not overestimating the gravity of the situation or underestimating their ability to take care of themselves and manage difficult things.

Focus on strengths

Remind them that they are resilient and able to navigate tough situations. Remind them of different ways in which they have done so in the past.

Limit news exposure

Encourage youth to limit the amount of time they spend reading and watching information on COVID-19. 

Remind them to refer only to reputable sources for updates.

Encourage helpful distractions

Such as watching movies, playing games, exercising and talking to friends. These can be used at times of distress or boredom.

Keep communication channels open

Encourage teenagers to discuss any concerns with family and friends.

Make sure that you are managing your own anxiety!

It’s possible that your kids are feeding off of you. If you are feeling particularly stressed, find someone to talk to or engage in an activity that usually helps you relax or calm down.

Youth may be especially frustrated with social distancing measures if some of their friends’ families are not participating in it. Explain that your family is doing what experts recommend and suggest that they blame you when telling their friends that they can’t go out. Remain open to suggestions as to how they can be social while remaining safe. Consider relaxing screen time rules to allow kids to connect with their friends online given they can’t always do it in person. At the same time, ensure that digital connecting does not replace in-person interactions with family, sleep or studying.

Don’t forget to give them time and space! Youth still need their privacy and alone time, especially with the increased togetherness created by working from home and no school. Don’t take it personally if they prefer to spend more time in their room, and do not give them a hard time about it as long as they are completing their school work and other responsibilities.

Self-care

Remember, in order to take care of your young person well, you need to take care of yourself first. Working from home or the office and trying to manage youth at home as well as home learning is hard. You may not be as efficient as you normally are. You may also feel you are not being the best parent you can be.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, everyone is learning to navigate this new way of life, and it takes time to adapt and get things right. Keep in mind that spending more time together is not the same as the quality, focused time you probably have when you and your young person are accomplishing daily tasks separately.

Some self-care ideas include:

  • Make time to switch off from responsibilities and duties every day. Read a good book or watch TV.
  • Allow only a certain amount of time each day to learn about COVID-19 updates from reputable sources.
  • Engage with family and friends on the phone, Facetime, Zoom, Whatsapp, etc.
  • Schedule a date night with your partner or quality time alone with a friend at least once a week.
  • Practise mindfulness. There are many free apps available to support mindfulness if you are unsure of how to do it.

This is also a time of uncertainty with regards to jobs and financial stability, which can cause high levels of stress and anxiety. Seek support from family and friends where possible. There are also some government sources that can be helpful.

Physical health

Exercise can boost our immune system but it also boosts our mood, our concentration, our confidence, and improves our sleep. Encourage your young person to engage in some form of physical activity every day. It is equally important for parents to do the same. This can be an opportunity to spend fun, non-stressful time together.

Get outside! Go for a run, bike ride or long walk. Take advantage of the many free exercise videos available online and through apps. Play video dance games and use virtual sports simulators. Use what you have in the environment around you to engage in physical activity. Getting your endorphins flowing will be beneficial for everyone.

It is also important to maintain a consistent sleep schedule to ensure you and your child get enough rest. Try your best to eat a healthy diet and drink plenty of water.

Home Learning

Home Learning is challenging for youth, parents and teachers alike. There are equipment and internet requirements to successfully engage in home learning. If you do not have access to these resources, talk to your school about how they can help you and your teenager accomplish what you need.

It is important to remember that your teenager is probably a lot more capable than you realise and can manage much of what they need to do on their own. Make sure to give them that credit and the opportunity to show you that they can do it.

Helpful tips: Routines & Schedules

  • Draft a daily schedule together – make sure to get your teenager’s input instead of directing them. Empower them to be responsible for their time, which should allow them to get their school work done in addition to being “social” and engaging in other activities that are important to them. 
  • Try to use non-controlling, non-directive language to ensure teenagers are accomplishing what they need to, while communicating that they are still in control of their time. A good example of that is asking, “what is your plan today?” Agree on an amount of checking-in that is acceptable to both you and your youth. One idea is to schedule a window of time each day to check-in and provide any assistance that may be needed.

Try not to get stuck in thoughts about how you think youth will react and notice how they are managing. If they are acting more maturely than they have in the past, give them the autonomy to manage on their own accordingly.

Remember that most youth around the world are in a similar position. Your kids will most likely not be further behind others because of home learning. In addition, teachers are experts at managing such situations. They will help your child catch up when school resumes if necessary. For those who have kids graduating from secondary school or University, keep in mind that this is a global pandemic. Universities and employers are fully aware of the challenges faced during this time and the resulting repercussions for everyone. Keep in mind that this is not forever, kids will go back to school!

Use the extra time well!

Although the situation is far from ideal, families rarely get to spend this much time together so do not forget to enjoy it! Make time to do fun things together that you normally don’t have the time to do such as cooking, baking, playing board games, teaching a new skill, etc.

Give your closets and cabinets a good clear out, and donate things you no longer need to charity. Take the time to learn a new skill yourself. Take online classes if you are interested in a career change or to support your current line of work.

Most of all remember to look after yourself and your kids. Your mental and physical well-being are more important during this time than getting all of the school work done or being an exemplary employee. If you are feeling financially unstable, make use of government resources. If you or your kids are not able to maintain good mental health during this time using the suggestions provided, it’s important to seek professional help.

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/ 

Resources

Returning to School: Advice from Professional Clinicians

Answered by Coolminds clinical advisors Dr. Amelia Walter, Odile Thiang & Teresa Chan

Q: My parents want me to come straight home as soon as school ends, but all my friends get to hang out together after school. They don’t understand when I tell them. I feel really left out.

A: Ask your parents if you could sit down together to chat about this at a time when everyone is reasonably calm. DEAR skills can be used to help you communicate what you want:

Describe the situation as clearly as possible. 

Express your feelings and opinions using “I” statements. Instead of “You don’t understand”, try “I feel left out when my friends spend time together without me”. 

Assert/ask for what you want e.g., “I’d like to be able to hang out with my friends after school sometimes”. 

Reinforce – think about what’s in it for your parents e.g., “I feel like I’d be more present and productive at home if I had this time with them”.

Try to acknowledge your parents’ position and be prepared to negotiate/start small. At the end of the day, it is their job to set limits, even if these sometimes feel unfair. Hopefully, with some further conversations, you can find a middle-ground that you and your parents all feel comfortable with.

Q: I’m graduating this year, but I won’t have a graduation ceremony. My travel plans have all been cancelled, and I’m not even sure I can start university overseas in September. What are some ways I can cope with this?

A: Firstly, make sure that you allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up for you. Given the circumstances, it makes sense that you might be feeling disappointed, upset, angry or a whole range of other emotions. Uncertainty is an inevitable part of life, but it feels particularly pronounced at the moment. Rather than worrying about the future, try to focus on the present and the things you can control. Just like other emotions, it’s also important to allow yourself to experience uncertainty and the discomfort it comes with. Practise sitting with it – noticing where you feel it in your body and the focus of your thoughts. Remind yourself that you’ve been dealing with uncertainty your whole life. Like all emotions, if you allow yourself to experience discomfort, it will eventually pass.

Q: I’m worried about getting sick when I go back to school. There could still be cases coming from overseas. My parents keep talking about it and it’s very stressful. 

A: It’s natural to feel a bit nervous and uncertain about going back to school. If you’re finding yourself feeling very stressed about the possibility of getting sick, try to challenge some of your worried thoughts by focusing on the facts (e.g., low numbers of new infections recently, mandatory quarantine for everyone coming from overseas, high recovery rates for young people) and the basic steps you can take to maximise your chances of staying well (e.g., hand hygiene, maintaining a healthy diet and good sleep patterns). It may also be worth talking to your parents about how you’re feeling and asking them to have conversations about COVID-19 away from you.

Q: My body looks different now compared to when I last saw my friends. I find it really noticeable and it’s bothering me a lot because I think I’ll be judged. What can I do?

A: During this time of social distancing, many of our daily activities have been impacted; this includes our physical activities and our eating habits. We have found ourselves with fewer opportunities to exercise and more opportunities to eat. Now that we are ready to rejoin our peers at school, you find yourself wondering ‘how has the quarantine impacted the way I look?’ Well, you are not alone. Feeling unhappy with one’s appearance is actually very common. However, when we focus on what we don’t like it can negatively impact the way we see ourselves and our self-esteem. A positive body image is not about having a “perfect” body (whatever that means). When we like and accept our body as it is, it helps us improve our body image, and in turn our self-esteem.

Here are some helpful tips to positive body image:

  • No one is perfect – Be kind to yourself. 
  • Stop Body Shaming Yourself – When we criticise ourselves, it is as hurtful as when others do it, and this can really affect our self-esteem. Be respectful to yourself, even if there are things that you can work on. 
  • Build Good Habits – Do you often criticise your body? If so it is important for you to build new, helpful habits. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, focus on what you like instead. Remind yourself to do this every day until it becomes a habit. If you are ever stuck, think of what your good friends like about the way you look. 
  • Focus on what your body can DO – We often focus on how our body looks and completely forget about all of the things it can do! When you play sports, dance, run, walk, or swim – that is our body in action. And it is not just for physical activity but when we clean our room, build something, cook or give someone a hug. Maintain a sense of wonder with all that your body allows you to do, and be grateful.
  • Connect with your body – Pay attention to the signals your body is sending you. Listen to when it is hungry, or tired. Notice how nice it feels when you are running, walking or stretching. 
  • Take Care of Your Body 
    • Eating Healthy – Learn what foods and portions are good for you. Enjoy the act of eating and tasting your food. Eating a healthy balanced diet helps fuel our energy stores and helps us feel good about ourselves. And it’s ok to indulge once in a while so don’t deprive yourself, remember it’s about balance. 
    • Sleep! Get to bed on time. Turn off the screens before bedtime to give yourself time to relax.
    • Be active every day – Your body needs to move to stay healthy. There are so many ways to stay active – dancing, yoga, hiking, running, playing sports. Pick activities that you enjoy and that motivate you.

Q: I’m worried about how this period of staying at home (and a lack of school and extracurricular activities) will impact my college applications. 

A: Try to remember, everyone is in the same boat. The events over the past few months have unfolded at an unprecedented rate, and consequently we have all had to adapt and endure change in some form or another (both students and teachers!) Most schools, colleges and universities will undoubtedly be taking into account the impact the last few months has had on students, and will be very aware that for most people, overall activities (both academic and extracurricular) will have been significantly reduced. Therefore, the best approach is just to remind yourself that everyone is going through the same thing, and to try your best to resume activities once you are able to. Perhaps during the lockdown you picked up a new hobby? Or learnt a new skill? Demonstrating how you perhaps used your time productively to build on your creative or communication skills or how you developed personally in some way – can all be added strengths that you may want to highlight within your application process.

Q: I’m scared something like COVID-19 will happen again. How can I plan for the future when there could be unexpected crises? 

A: Facing uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life. The truth is, no one truly knows what might happen in the future. Because we cannot see the future, we can never be certain about what exactly is going to happen. 

But how helpful is it going to be to dwell and worry about this inevitable fact of life? 

Studies have found that people who tend to worry more, particularly about things they can’t control, tend to be more anxious and tend to be more intolerant to uncertainty. These people will often over plan and over prepare at every single opportunity, in an attempt to eliminate any uncertainty (with the hope of making their life more certain)!

But having to do this constantly as you can imagine, is exhausting! And sometimes no matter how much we prepare or plan, things still don’t turn out the way we expect anyway, as life seems to always throw curveballs at us. 

For this reason, it’s therefore in our best interests to try to notice when we are worrying too much about something we essentially don’t have control over. 

We can obviously still continue to take necessary precautions and action the things that are in our control (e.g. taking care of ourselves, looking after both our physical and mental health), but then learning to recognise when our worry is turning into ‘wasted energy’ is going to be much more worthwhile. 

Live each day as it comes! And if and when something unexpected does hit you, you will probably be much more able to deal with it than you expect.

​​Q: What if someone comes up to me and talks about a topic I don’t agree with? How do I navigate conflict and differences in opinion? 

A: Situations that provoke differences in opinions can lead to difficult conversations and feelings of frustration. When any type of disagreement or difficult conversation occurs it’s really important to recognise and accept your feelings. It’s normal to feel frustrated, helpless, angry or annoyed when we get into a difficult conversation. 

Having differences in opinion doesn’t have to always end badly, as how you deal with the situation can govern this:

  1. Try to see the other person’s angle or point of view 

You may be able to understand the other person’s views better if you try to understand the reasons behind it. Perhaps they grew up in a very different environment or received a different kind of education to you. Perhaps they’ve been influenced by family members or friends. And it may be worth doing the same for your own views – do you hold your beliefs because they simply make the most sense, or could other factors be at play too?

  1. Try to find common ground 

Even if your opinions and views are different, it’s likely that there are still certain things you agree on too. Try not to over-focus on the differences at play: as you may find that there are quite a few areas for which you have common ground too.

  1. Don’t force things 

Trying to impose your beliefs on another person isn’t usually the most productive or healthy thing to do. In fact, having different opinions can actually be more interesting and potentially adds value to a discussion. You may want to think in terms of embracing your differences – seeing them as positives rather than potential sources of friction. After all, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed 100% of the time!

  1. Talk things over & take time to listen 

Give the other person an opportunity to speak and listen to what each other has to say. Take time to really listen, not just waiting for your turn to speak. When it comes to explaining your own opinions, try to express your points of view calmly, openly and honestly. Don’t attack the other person’s ideas, simply stick to what it is that you think e.g. using “I think/I feel …”. It may be that, after talking things through together, you realise you aren’t quite as conflicted with the other person as you thought, or if either side truly has strong opinions, maybe you can agree to disagree.

Q: I don’t want to go back to school because I’m worried I’ll have to face bullies again. I would much rather stay at home where I’m less anxious.

A: I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been getting bullied at school. You are not alone – bullying is something a lot of young people experience, but I know that doesn’t make it any easier. 

While it’s natural to want to avoid situations that make us feel worried, this unfortunately maintains anxiety in the long-term. Staying at home also means you miss out on positive learning and social experiences at school, which wouldn’t be fair. Without knowing the details, it’s tricky to provide specific advice but know that it is not your fault and you shouldn’t feel that you have to manage it on your own. Although it might feel difficult initially, it can be helpful to speak to a trusted adult such as a parent, teacher or school support staff. This is particularly important if you’re feeling unsafe in any way. In the meantime, try to focus on doing things that make you feel good about yourself such as spending time on activities you enjoy and with people who make you feel happy and safe.

Q: I’m scared I won’t be able to cope with the workload. What if my teachers cram tons of content really quickly to make up for things that we’ve missed?

A: Schools and teachers are aware of all the pressures and stressors on students, as we go through these unprecedented times, and in most cases, adjustments are being made to reflect that.

While you will not be able to control what happens with the academic curriculum there are strategies you can use to tackle your workload. Here are some strategies and tips:

  1. Set a routine. A routine helps you to put structure to a chaotic situation. It will allow you to carve out time for both academic work as well as some down time to allow you to recharge. You can use scheduling apps to get your day organised but remember that it is ok to have flexibility as things will come up.
  2. Set priorities. Organise your work based on due dates, workload and your strengths. Map out all your projects/papers due dates and your test dates, then consider how much time you will need to spend to prepare. Priorities items that are due soon, or items that will take more time to work on. Prioritising will help you focus on what is most important first, and then tackling smaller items later. Knowing that you are taking care of big or more difficult items first will help you feel more at ease.
  3. A daily to-do list. A daily to-do list can help you to breakdown tasks to manageable portions, and help you visualise what you will be focusing on for the day. It also feels really nice to cross items off the list as you progress, it can give you a great sense of accomplishment seeing the list get smaller.
  4. Try not to procrastinate. Procrastinating only causes our to-do list to grow, which can make it harder to catch up, and can make you feel overwhelmed. It is ok, and necessary to take breaks, but try your best to stay on track with the routine you have set for yourself.
  5. Get your sleep! Often times when we are busy we compromise the amount of sleep we get but this only causes us to be more tired and less efficient. Being tired affects our ability to think, focus and our memory. A restful night’s sleep needs to be part of your routine.
  6. Me time. Whether it is spending time with friends and family, or just taking a moment to do something fun, it is important to set a side non-academic time. This will help you get recharged. This is also a great way to reward yourself after finishing important tasks.

While these strategies are not going to take away all the stress of returning back to school it will help to make the return more manageable. Remember your teachers are there to support you so if you ever feel overwhelmed reach out and ask for help

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/ 

Resources

Returning to School: Academic Stress, Anxiety and Youth Sharing

4 Tips for Academic Stress

  1. Create accountability
  • Finding an accountability partner means finding a friend who can make sure you follow through with your goals (and you return the same favour to them too!) 
  • This can be useful for tasks that you are working on independently, and is very simple. 
  • Just tell your accountability partner what you’re working on, and when you hope to achieve those tasks by. 
  • Then ask him or her to remind you about it from time to time and give you balanced, objective feedback. 
  • The knowledge that someone else is supporting you with your plans may boost your motivation and commitment.
  1. Set mini deadlines and make to-do lists
  • If you have a big project or exam coming up it can be hard to know where to even start, but breaking it up can make it seem less daunting and more approachable. 
  • Instead of just writing “Biology exam” in your calendar, you can split your revision by book chapter or topic and spread this out in the weeks before the exam – setting one chapter of revision every two days, for example.

Imagine that you’re facing a mountain that’s too steep and tall to climb. Splitting up one big task into many little ones is like finding an alternative path up with lots of stairs, with each stair slowly bringing you closer to the top of the mountain.

  1. Know when to ask for help and move on
  • It’s important to be very honest with ourselves that we can’t do it all. 
  • We may have skills and talents in certain areas but need help in others. 
  • When setting goals, make sure they are realistic and achievable for you – and try to avoid imagining what those goals would look like for your peers, because they are not you and vice versa! 
  • If you come across a task that you know you won’t be able to approach, and it’s causing you a great deal of stress, it’s important to share this with someone straight away so you can work through it together. 
  • However, once you’ve moved on to other tasks, you shouldn’t spend hours looking back and beating yourself up about not having completed it – spending lots of time and emotional energy on something you no longer have to do will slow you down and hinder the completion of other, more pressing tasks!

If it’s tricky to make an honest and thorough reflection of yourself, you can ask your parents or a teacher who knows you well.

  1. Prioritise your health
  • It’s been said to us sooooo often but do we truly believe that we need to prioritise our health over our studies – and put this into action? 
  • Without a balanced diet, sufficient rest, and good physical and mental health, we won’t be able to concentrate or have the energy to study to the best of our abilities. 
  • Even if staying up a few hours later or swapping a meal for snacks throughout the day seems like it could give us an immediate productivity boost, its effects would only be short term – in the long run, our health would catch up and we would need to spend even more efforts to make up for the lack of rest and nutrition later on. 
  • Remember that we also need strong immune systems to be able to fight off infection and disease, especially given the current situation!

Let’s talk about stress

It is normal for us to experience some form of stress in our lifetime. In fact, a healthy dosage of stress can be good for our personal growth. A reasonable amount of stress can aid us to stay focused and accomplish tasks better. However, when stress begins to take over our daily functioning, it may be a sign that you are experiencing too much stress which is very unhealthy for our mind and body.

Let’s quickly go over how stress can play a part in our body shall we? Stress involves an emotional, physical or mental response to events, during which our body may experience physiological and psychological changes. Physiologically, our bodies go into ‘fight or flight’ mode. Our nervous system is activated and hormones are released that enable us to react quickly.

Do you remember the last time when you were stressed? Your heart rate and breathing rate may have increased, your muscles may have tensed up, you might also notice changes in mood or emotions. These changes enable you to deal with the situation. But imagine if your body was undergoing this level of physical change all the time. Can you imagine how it might impact your life?

What to do if you’re stressed:

Everyone has a limit to how much stress they can handle. Find out how to manage your stress at our Coolminds Webpage here

Anxiety

We all experience anxiety at some point in our lives. It’s normal to feel anxious in high pressure situations and it can help us stay focused and alert.

However, when we’re very anxious, instead of assisting us to accomplish our tasks, we have intense feelings of worry or distress that are not easy to control. Anxiety at extreme levels can interfere with how we go about our everyday lives making it hard to cope with ‘normal’ challenges. The next time you feel anxious, check the following:

Am I feeling:

  • Very worried or afraid most of the time 
  • Tense and on edge 
  • Nervous or scared 
  • Panicky 
  • Irritable, agitated

Am I thinking:

  • ‘Everything’ is going to go wrong’ 
  • ‘I might die’ 
  • ‘I can’t handle the way I feel’ 
  • ‘I can’t focus on anything but my worries’

Am I experiencing:

  • Sleep problems (can’t get to sleep, wake often) 
  • Pounding heart 
  • Sweating 
  • ‘Pins and needles’ 
  • Tummy aches 
  • Churning stomach 
  • Lightheadedness 
  • Dizziness 
  • Twitches 
  • Trembling 
  • Problems concentrating 
  • Excessive thirst

What to do if you’re anxious:

Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that it’s normal to feel anxious sometimes, but if the symptoms above are interfering with your daily life, then it’s time to seek help. Remember, it’s always okay to ask for help and it is one of the bravest things we can do for ourselves.

If you’d like to learn more about anxiety, visit webpage here.

You can also complete an online Anxiety Selftest here from our partner Black Dog Institute: https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinica l-resources/anxiety/anxiety-self-test

Voices of Youth

Excerpts from an interview with current secondary school students in HK

What are some of your thoughts about returning to school that you want your teachers/parents/peers to know?

“Although teachers and parents will no doubt be anxious for students to catch up with the academic curriculum, I hope that there can be a common understanding that students will require time to adjust. With all the social unrest, division, and the spread of Covid-19 in Hong Kong, this academic year has already been a huge challenge for all students. Parents and teachers may not realize the full impact of these events, but the truth is that our worlds have been turned upside down, and the Hong Kong we knew and loved has changed. The mental impact is intangible but certainly not negligible – if teachers and parents can offer patience and support during this challenging period, it will inevitably be most beneficial for students, both academically and mentally.”

Kristie Wong

“Returning back to school might be a good sign that things are getting back to normal, yet it is another transition since most of us are already getting used to a slower pace lifestyle and learning at home, which might also be challenging. With home learning, we may not have been able to study as productively, but we were in a comfortable environment at home and weren’t bound by a strict timetable. Personally, I spent a lot more time to develop my passions such as cooking and arts and crafts during the extra free time at home, these activities have allowed me to relax and reduce stress. Returning back to school means that I no longer have as much free time to relax and be with my family, and we will again have to pick up the academic and learning momentum which I find very stressful.”

Audrey Yung

“Returning to school is going to be a hectic time for everyone, students and teachers included. It’s important to take some extra time a couple days before school starts to get back into the mindset of regularly attending classes in person. We’ll all be really excited to see our friends again, but we should value these last few days of oncampus learning (at least for international schools) before break starts. Additionally, teachers have worked incredibly hard these past few months to make online school possible for us — we should show them our appreciation!”

Nicole Tan

“Personally, I’m really excited to return to school and see everyone, but I can also understand if some people might be feeling a little overwhelmed at the prospect of suddenly being around so many people after having been home for so long. I think it would be really helpful for everybody if we can stay patient and compassionate with each other— it will be an adjustment for all of us, but we’re all in the same boat.”

Yaerin Wallenberger

What are you doing to get ready for school?

“I am making sure that I’m caught up and on track with the material being taught during online lessons. During the extra free time I had because of school suspension, I caught up with friends and pursued hobbies that I wouldn’t otherwise have had time to enjoy. Although academics are important and studying hard is the most obvious way to prepare for school, I recognize that mental well-being is equally, if not more, important. By allowing myself to relax and enjoy my hobbies, I am preparing myself in the best way possible, so that I am well-rested and can immediately start working hard again when school resumes.”

Kristie Wong

“I am trying to connect with the teachers in school and voice out my concerns to let them know how I feel about both returning to school as well as the challenges I face to stay productive. Having discussions with teachers allows me to have a better idea of how the next few weeks will look like. Creating a calendar to lay out the due dates important tasks or exams is also helpful for me to visualise my month ahead instead of having all the stressful tasks and assignments stuck in my brain.”

Audrey Yung

“Personally, I’ve been following a schedule similar to my normal school timetable in order to maintain a sense of normalcy and productivity. The biggest thing for me will be to re-adjust my sleep schedule, starting with waking up earlier during the week before on-campus learning starts.”

Nicole Tan

“Even though there’s two weeks until I start school, I’ve already packed my bag, and it’s sitting by the doorway for me to grab when I’m headed for the school bus for my first day!”

Yaerin Wallenberger

I feel like everyone else is coping well and I’m scared to tell people that I’m not okay, because everyone went through this together but it seems like I’m the only one making a big deal out of it.

We all have different personalities and life experiences, and that means the things that cause each of us stress are different too. It doesn’t mean that one person is “better” or “weaker” than another if they handle challenges differently.

In addition, we rarely know what is going on with another person. We might feel alone, but we never really are – we all carry our emotions differently and not everyone is able to speak openly about them. But just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t struggling with similar issues too.

It’s also never “making a big deal” to talk about what’s going on or how you’re doing – and is especially understandable with the uncertainty right now, and the amount of change that’s happened in the past few months. Most people are happy to help and listen, and feel valued and honoured when you share or open up with them. Your teachers would have lots of advice and suggestions. You don’t have to work everything out by yourself – sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is admitting we need help and reaching out to trusted individuals who can support us as we tackle unpleasant feelings and thoughts.

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/ 

Also check out our video with tips to handle academic stress:

Resources

Returning to School

HELP! I’M FINALLY GOING BACK TO SCHOOL…

The coronavirus pandemic has brought about many changes in our daily lives in a very short period of time. For many this has created feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety, which we’ve addressed briefly in our “Staying Well During the Coronavirus Outbreak” booklet here.

While the improving coronavirus situation is good news, transitioning back to on-campus classes presents another change in our daily lives, which might take some time to adapt to. This booklet primarily aims to help young people in Hong Kong cope with going back to school after the class suspension due to the Covid-19 outbreak. However, if you’re reading this as you get ready to go back to school after long holidays, or if you’re coming back to school after a leave of absence, this booklet may be useful to you too.

There are lots of reasons why we might feel nervous or apprehensive about returning to school.

For example, we might feel anxious because we haven’t seen our friends in a long time, and we might worry that our social circles may look different or that we’ll have been forgotten.

We might worry about the amount of content that we missed (like science classes with a laboratory component, or other in-person classes we weren’t able to make-up online) and fear that our teachers will have unrealistically high expectations on us.

We will have to adjust to a new schedule, which might involve getting up earlier, spending more hours away from home, and not being able to study as flexibly as we’ve grown used to.

You are not alone!

Hong Kong Christian Service (HKCS), surveyed nearly 4,800 F1-F5 students in HK and discovered that:

  • 70% surveyed students wanted to return to school to study 
  • 60% wanted to return so they could see their classmates again 
  • 57% anxious about re-adjusting to attending school again. 
  • 70% concerned about catching up on time lost during the shutdown 
  • Nearly half of surveyed students reported worsened academic stress. 
  • Higher stress for seniors preparing for the HKDSEs next year. 
  • 70% worried they would be infected by the coronavirus

Tips for a smooth back-to-school transition

  1. Prepare in advance
  • A week or so before school officially starts, get used to going to bed at a reasonable time and getting up earlier. 
  • To avoid distractions in the middle of the night, it can be helpful to switch off the wifi function on your phone, or to charge your electronic devices in another room if you aren’t using the alarm function. You could also consider buying a cheap alarm clock to minimise distractions. 
  • It is also a good idea to be mindful of the amount of caffeine you’re drinking, particularly in the afternoon and evening. 
  • A minimum of 8 to 9 hours of good sleep a night is recommended for teenagers. Having better sleep facilitates learning, enhances memory, and can give you more energy to socialise with your classmates!
  1. Reconnect with your peers

​​Your classmates are all in the same boat! You may have already stayed in touch virtually in the past few months, but it’s always good to talk to someone and connect socially – it could help you feel less alone, and might even make you feel more excited to go back. It can also help validate your friends’ feelings if they are struggling with the same thoughts.

  1. Know your limits and when to ask for help
  • Before your first day back, it may be worth brainstorming a plan to ensure that you will have the right level of support when you need it. 
  • This plan can involve other individuals like your parents, your school counsellor, your teachers, or other people you trust and feel understand you. 
  • You can use it to write down a list of resources you can turn to for support (if you want to find a list of community organisations in Hong Kong, please click here), things you notice that you feel or do when you start to get anxious or upset, and your personal coping skills.

Turn to our “Returning to School Toolkit” page as a starting point!!

  1. Know when and how to say no

Your self-worth is not based on how many times you agree to doing things for other people at the expense of your own wants/needs. Ask yourself – is it really worth it to join in or go to this event? It is better to say no now than to feel guilty or frustrated later, especially if you have past experience and know that you won’t enjoy it or don’t have the capacity to do something. By knowing when and how to say no, not only will you gain a sense of control and freedom, it can also be an empowering experience when you overcome the fear of rejection.

Going back to school after a long break can create a lot of pressure because you might feel like you have to try extra hard to please people. You might feel like you have to say yes to everything simply because you’ve not seen your friends for a while and they secretly expect you to. But if someone’s asking you to do something you’re uncomfortable doing, remember you always have a right to say no.

Saying no doesn’t mean being rude, selfish, or unkind, and you do not need to apologise or create explanations that other people will accept. You can still be polite and decline an offer, e.g.: “Thank you for asking, but I can’t/don’t want to”

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself

In the past few months, you’ve spent a lot of time learning remotely, and returning to a full day school schedule could be really overwhelming. Just like you would prepare in advance physically, it is also important to prepare in advance mentally! Remember to give yourself time to adjust to being physically back at school, and give yourself the credit you deserve for holding up so far. It can also be encouraging to reflect on how much you have grown in the process.

When the Coolminds team asked students to list some of the positive things they experienced whilst staying at home, here were some of their responses:

  • Learning to be a more independent thinker 
  • Developing better time management skills 
  • Feeling well rested 
  • Having more family time
  1. Set realistic expectations

It has been nearly five months since school has been closed. Even though schools are starting soon, there isn’t much time left before summer holidays begin. It’s important to set realistic goals and expectations on how much you can accomplish within these 2-3 months.

  • Set some achievable goals that will help you have a clear sense of direction and idea of how the near future will look. 
  • This can help relieve pressure and any unnecessary stress from this transition. 
  • Communicate with your teacher to minimize any distress that may be caused from this back-to-school transition

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/

Check out our video for tips to returning to school.

Resources

The Mental Health Effects of COVID-19 – A Teachers and Educators Guide

Introduction

Recent efforts to contain the spread of COVID-19 through public health measures such as social distancing and self-isolation have led to closures of schools and universities in Hong Kong, which was then followed by the rest of the world.

This severe disruption of missing the entire term and cancellation of exams have impacted students, parents and educators. Hence, these are the times to work together and continue providing the best optimal support system for the students and themselves.

This sudden and unexpected change in routine along with a considerable degree of fear, worry and uncertainty can lead to poor mental health, not to mention an increased risk of use in drugs or alcohol.

As a result of school closures, teaching had no choice but to shift online at a rapid and unprecedented rate, resulting in numerous challenges (e.g. technical issues, inability to interact with students).

In addition, the lack of concrete information and uncertainty regarding the course of COVID-19 has led to an evident spike in stress and anxiety for students and teachers. Students and adults alike who are used to being in school for 5 days may experience isolation and loneliness from social distancing.

This booklet discusses how teachers can support students and their own well-being during a crisis. It also touches on the role of E-learning and the important role it plays in maintaining communication between students and teachers. In addition, full interviews conducted with teachers in Hong Kong are included to get a first-hand perspective on the teachers’ role and perspective in the current situation.

Taking care of your own Mental Health and Wellbeing

Self-care

Self-care for educators is highly important. Educators should actively look after their own mental health and well-being and thereby effectively support young people. 

The current crisis situation and the rapid switch to online learning has been a challenging time for teachers. Educators are developing new teaching environments, working autonomously and also managing their own family circumstances.

Professional self-care

  • Regular supervision or consulting with a more experienced colleague 
  • Make a schedule with sufficient breaks 
  • Develop a peer-support group 
  • Understand boundaries between students and staff 
  • Read relevant journals and be mindful of the news and social media

Physical self-care

  • Have regular sleep routine and healthy diet 
  • Take scheduled lunch breaks 
  • Use your sick leave if unwell 
  • Get some exercise before/after work regularly

Psychological self-care

  • Keep a reflective journal 
  • Regular supervision or consulting with a more experienced colleague 
  • Turn off your email or phone outside work hours 
  • Take time to contact friends and family

Emotional self-care

  • Take time to contact friends and family for support 
  • Engage in mindfulness practices like mediation (see Lazy 8 activity below) 
  • Read or watch non-crisis related entertainment 
  • Cultivate gratitude – write 3 good things you did each day

Supporting students during school closure due to a crisis

Hope

Hope refers to the feelings or expectations that everything will work out. In the current climate, students may feel discouraged, hopelessness, anger or anxiety. These feelings may last as the community continues to face uncertainty.

Students and adults both may feel lost without their usual social activities which may have been taken for granted before. Missing out on the social aspects of school such as sports, friends, competitions or performances may be leading to further hopelessness.

To encourage/stimulate a sense of hope, educators can:

  • Have students connect with someone in their family or community to ask a person they respect how they stayed hopeful in troubled times 
  • Reference other historical times of crisis, including how these ended and how communities rebounded 
  • Encourage students to get fresh air and to exercise when possible 
  • Share stories of hope to inspire students to discover positive takeaways they can gain from this current crisis

Connections

Forming connections and networking plays an important role in relationships and the development of support systems. School closures, social distancing and closure of public facilities can lead to isolation and loneliness. Education can play a key role in making students feel connected.

To foster a sense of connectedness, educators can

  • Ask and discuss with students about something fun they did at home
  • Greet students by name and create a touch-free or virtual routine (similar to a handshake, a hug or a high five)
  • Put students in small groups for projects or activities, to keep up the social interaction online while working during their own time 
  • Foster a sense of community by use of group activities and projects 
  • Discuss directly the importance of putting in extra effort in connecting with others as we’re more prone to loneliness

Safety

Schools provide a safety net and comfort zone for students due to their structure. However, due to current events and school closure, students’ sense of safety may have been compromised. The constant change and unexpected events can lead to an increase in stress and anxiety. Educators should be aware that some families may also be experiencing career instability or financial issues– all of which can also have an effect on a student’s sense of safety.

Steps educators can take to support a sense of safety in students:

  • Reach out, encourage students to connect in a safe space to discuss and safety concerns 
  • Encourage student to talk to their friends (see peer-support tips below) 
  • Encourage students to speak to their family members 
  • Go for family walks or hikes together 
  • Avoid watching/reading too much news, and only watch/read from reliable sources 
  • Try to maintain a regular family routine as much as possible

Transitioning to E-Learning

Educators in Hong Kong and now worldwide have made the rapid and sudden switch to E-learning. Below are some steps you can take right now to assist with the process.

Remember: Take this opportunity to be supportive to students and allow flexibility!

Communicate as early as possible!

Start communicating with students as soon as schools close so teachers can stay in touch immediately. Let them know that even though you’re not meeting face to face, the student-teacher relationship still exists.

Understand and communicate with students, understand that E-learning is a new and challenging process for all.

Identify a platform for E-learning

Many schools have already leveraged a platform during potential closures. If not, free platforms such as Google classrooms and zoom for video conferencing are free and relatively easy to roll out.

Establish clear expectations

Operating in an online manner can raise many questions for students, parents and educators who are used to face to face interactions. Here are some simple guidelines:

  • Teachers, admin and the school IT support should be available during normal working hours
  • Student classes take place at their scheduled times with flexibility for differing timezones

Maintain regular contact

Educators stress that maintenance of communication during implementation of the E-learning process is the most important! This does not just include communication between students and teachers, but also among staff members to check in and see how they’re doing.

Interconnectivity between staff is vital to check in and share resources. Key factor is that everyone should remain in the loop and on the same page as much as possible.

Go with the flow

Anxiety and stress levels will be high during school closures. Expect there to be conflicts in timetables, lack of motivation from students, and downtime in responses.

Educators will play a key part during this essential time as community members. Practice empathy towards students and the current situation. Encourage students to become independent while providing them the essential support.

Essential tips from teachers

  • Don’t ignore the elephant in the room. If possible, talk about COVID-19 and fear of uncertainty. This is an opportunity for you to remind your students to consider the sources of their news and to beware of the large amount of misinformation.
  • Let your students know that you are there for them and that if they need help, they can reach out to you.
  • Humanise yourself and also have casual conversations during online lessons. Tell them your experience about how you’re dealing with the situation or any concerns you may have. Discuss with them how it has been “working from home” from a teacher’s viewpoint.
  • Share something personal with them such as which book you’ve started reading, you’re doing an online course or working out at home
  • If possible, create a community discussion board for students to share what is happening in their lives stress, fear or anxiety due to uncertain time
  • Communication must always remain consistent!
  • In addition to supporting students, continue to challenge them and provide them with sufficient work to keep them engaged academically.
  • Repeat some of the lessons you taught in class if possible. This will help activate their memory of that lesson and being part of the community. This is highly important for students missing the classroom and social settings
  • Remain optimistic! With everyday changes and news, stress levels are bound to be high. Emphasize everyone is in this together.
  • Encourage peer-relationship building! Encourage all students to share phone numbers or social media details and support each other.

Interviews with Teachers

Tutor from University of Hong Kong

What are some ways the COVID-19 outbreak has affected students and young people? 

I think the timing of the outbreak has now added more uncertainty and trust issues to the already pervading anxiety and low morale in young people. Hong Kong runs on economics, and the loss of jobs, cancellation of recruitment seminars in universities and medical advice on limiting meetings/social gatherings has also had a negative effect on mental health.

How are you as an educator coping with the situation and the concept of e-learning? 

E-learning is definitely an emergent idea that has a lot of potential. People have already been learning from various courses on platforms like edX, Coursera, TED, Datacamp etc. However, there are some limitations on online teaching when it comes to accommodating topics which are practical/laboratory oriented, e.g. I teach Petrology and the practicals involve examining the rocks by hand and under the microscope. Practical and hands on experience has its challenges with E-learning. It is a challenging time for educators and students.

What can students do if they feel stressed about: 

  • Falling behind? 

Fears of falling behind coursework can be quickly remedied. If there are genuine reasons, the universities do show leniency and do offer extensions. I think the current policy is offering two choices: (a) switching a course to a non-graded one OR (b) dropping course altogether (there is no add/drop deadlines) and then picking it up in a later semester. In general students can discuss this with the course instructors/ course coordinators and let them know if they are having problems. They have been instructed to be more considerate.

  • Comparing themselves to friends/peers and feeling unproductive? 

Pandemic or no pandemic, comparison with peers is not a good habit to get into and leads to stigma. In my experience every individual is unique in their own speed of learning and comprehension. Trying to get a fish to climb a tree and judging them for it is an ineffective thing. One should learn things on their own speed and be confident about it.

  • Feeling lonely? 

The easiest step in overcoming loneliness is also the hardest step: Talk with friends, family and classmates and open up to them about your concerns. It is very likely they will share you concerns. Discuss options and workarounds with people and solutions are bound to surface.

  • Feeling disconnected from being a student/their teacher? 

Yes, this might be problem to those people who are more attuned to conventional classrooms. We are trying to address any questions arising during the live lectures (slideshow + recordings + videoconferencing) and email until such time the normal function of the university resumes.

Can students email teachers with any questions they might have? Is it appropriate for students to reach out to teachers saying they feel stressed/have been struggling with their mental health?

Students can freely reach out their teachers with any queries they have with the coursework, but no specific instructions have been given to lecturers/teachers on dispensing mental health advice to students. Letting course instructors know of your situation is definitely a good idea though. It is most likely they will direct students to university therapists/counsellors/ university health service to manage the situation.

What are some tips you would have as a teacher for the student’s online learning experience? How can they study effectively at home?

Online learning can be a little distracting at times especially if you have other browser pages open alongside. I think the best way to avoid getting distracted is go take notes while the lecture is happening online and quickly ask questions to clear doubts. Make sure you keep cellphones away during the lectures and this would help too. As far as self-study is concerned, create a fixed daily routine with adequate breaks in between. And most importantly, when you finish studying, do other interesting things, build hobbies. The partitioning of work and non-work hours is critical to cognition and learning.

What are some quick and easy ways they can improve their mental health at home?

Read books, exercise, paint, garden, take walks (with masks on), and most importantly talk to family or friends. The feeling of being cooped up can be driven away when you immerse yourself in creative and productive activities.

What are some words of advice you would like to say to other teachers or parents reading this booklet?

Mental health issues cannot be solved in isolation by those suffering from it. Do not disregard a child’s/student’s concerns on coursework. If they are failing to submit assignments on time, check in on them and offer to help where help is needed. A judgement-free environment is quintessential. In many cases, if students are falling behind in coursework, it is not because they are lazy, but the fact that they are going through problems they are finding difficult to solve. Usually, a small push in the right direction really helps them produce the best work they can.

Teachers from International Christian School

What are some ways the COVID-19 outbreak has affected students?

Students are bored, unmotivated, lonely, worried. Many can’t even leave their apartments. They can’t do “normal” activities and spend as much time with friends. They’re stuck at home with their parents in a sometimes unpleasant way – everyone is feeling stressed and might be taking it out on each other.

Students have been thrown very suddenly into the “deep end” , a very steep and very sudden learning curve to cope is expected of them. They could be facing pressure from multiple sides: parents and teachers, and even themselves. Time management and self-discipline challenges, and isolation etc. compound to the issue.

  • Difficulties coping socially, emotionally and physically due to decreased social contact (some students are only allowed outside once a week, or every two weeks), lack of structure and routine leading to lack of motivation and feelings of inadequacy.
  • Extra stress of being in small quarters with the whole family for long periods of time, parents’ stress from going through SARS, parents’ stress with job impact/economic concerns/losing jobs and income.

How are you as an educator coping with the situation and the concept of e-learning?

I rely on email for most of my communication. I have zoom sessions once a week with each of my classes. We talk about their classwork, their stress levels, and sometimes play online games together. I have been overwhelmed with the amount of work it has been to chase students’ work. Sometimes it takes longer to track who has/hasn’t handed in work, send emails to them, find their parent’s email address, email the parents, etc…..than it takes to actually plan or mark their work.

I am very overwhelmed as an educator. It takes forever to write out every detail and instruction for lesson plans. It also takes time to create videos, google forms, google docs, slideshows, and other media for them, since they can’t see me give the examples or the instructions. There is a lot of differentiation involved to create meaningful work for all the different students. So lesson planning takes longer, but there is also so much more grading. The only way to know if a student has done the work you assigned is to check. So I am always always always always grading/checking/looking/emailing/filling out charts of missing work/updating gradebook, etc… All the while giving more and more assignments. It’s a seven day a week job.

  • It has been a challenge to find relevant resources since the last time a similar situation like this happened would have been SARS. But SARS time did not have the technology we have now. So I think we’re quite fortunate as educators to be able to continue school online. 
  • The online learning protocol makes it difficult for some teachers to find the balance between helping their own children be successful with their online learning while providing online learning as a job for students, all while also trying to balance work/home life.

How would you describe this time in your career as an educator?

It has been frustration and boring, but I’m learning how to help students in a different way.

Challenging, monotonous, tiring, boring. I’m having to be much more creative and innovative than I normally would have to be. I feel discouraged, like I’m not doing enough even though I am so worn out. It’s forcing and giving me an opportunity to reevaluate what is true learning, and how to prepare students to be life-long learners. There might be a gap between the systematic approaches of school vs. learning, and philosophically and pedagogically, it’s a good time to reflect and perhaps rethink. This, coupled with an increased amount of work, is sometimes a reprieve, and sometimes discouraging, because there is a huge disparity that is incredibly dissatisfying. Someone said that it feels like we’re doing a whole lot more work to perhaps get a whole lot less learning in return.

  • I think it has pushed me to find ways to support students virtually, when the work has mostly relied on face-to-face contact and relationship building. 
  • It’s been challenging to balance parenting and educating.

What can students do if they feel stressed about: 

  • Falling behind?
    • Keep up with daily tasks. Communicate with teachers, do 1 thing to start, make a list and start crossing things off it as you complete them, make a schedule 
    • Be self-disciplined, and learn to understand consequences of their choices. Pacing is important. 
    • Use a planner/make a list of work to be done, prioritize work, communicate with teachers the need for more time or help 
    • Reach out earlier – don’t wait! – to teachers, counsellor and/or classmates who can help with support and practical help with school work/explaining things etc.
  • The outbreak affecting their future?
    • Focus on the “now” – take thoughts captive and seek guidance from others. Refocus thoughts on what is known, true and helpful, talk to someone about their worries 
    • Focus on the now, rather than worrying about the unknown and what might be. Focus on the things they have control over and only worry about those things
  • Comparing themselves to friends/peers or feeling unproductive?

Know that many students and even teachers are struggling with the lack of routine and productivity. Try to give more compassion to the self, as this is an adjustment to everyone (not just Hong Kong but worldwide).

  • Feeling lonely?

Call a friend; don’t just text them. Talking isn’t the same as being in person, but it’s better than just reading what’ s been written. Sometimes when I’ve felt lonely it has helped me to think that others probably feel the same way. Write messages to others thanking them for something, asking them how they are, or telling a story. Sometimes the act of helping others not feel lonely takes the feeling away from oneself.

Is it appropriate for students to reach out to teachers to say they feel stressed or have been struggling with their mental health?

Students need to be assertive and let someone know. Hopefully, students have an adult at school that they trust, whether it is a particular teacher or a coach. Teachers do the job they do because they care about students. Even if we are not trained to deal with a situation, we know how to connect that student to someone who is. Even just verbalising to someone who is trusted & won’t judge you can be a big step toward seeing things in a more positive light.

What are some tips you would give as a teacher for students’ online learning experience? How can they study effectively at home?

Complete the daily tasks. Leave the phone alone; set it in a different room and only use it during designated breaks. Know why you’re learning and doing what you’re doing so you stay on task and “work” becomes more meaningful.

Having done online learning myself in the past, I found that it is very easy to get behind and then almost impossible to catch up. Stay up to date if not ahead as much as possible. If anything is keeping you from completing work, write your teacher as soon as possible so they are aware.

Use a timer and set small goals for yourself. Chunk out the work into manageable steps.

What are some quick & easy ways students can improve their mental health at home?

Set a timer to take a break every hour. Walk around the room, look out the window, take some deep breaths. Also set a limit to how late you will work each day and keep a regular sleep routine. Give yourself small rewards and do things that you enjoy.

  • Get up and move! 
  • Take a 2-minute break each hour to do some lunges and squats and jumping jacks to get your heart pumping. That will send blood to your brain and cause you to breathe deeply. Both will improve your mental health! 
  • Limit looking at/listening to TV or online news to once a day, and spend no more than 10 minutes doing it. 
  • Create a routine/structure/schedule and stick to it! Do it with a group of friends if it helps you follow it 
  • Get outside as much as possible – even a balcony or rooftop will help! 
  • Call friends, family in other countries that you don’t get to talk to very often

What are some words of advice you would like to say to young people reading this booklet?

This too shall pass. It’s not normal, true, but it’s not forever. Hang in there! These are the cards that we are dealt with. How you choose to play the cards and respond is up to you.

What advice would you have for parents to help their children out at this time and with e-learning?

Continue to monitor and provide boundaries for your child. Connect with your child and have meaningful conversations. Help them create a routine and structure. If your child needs extra help with certain subjects/planning that they normally would get in school but aren’t getting now, then you have to do it. Sit down with them every day.

  • Go outside and exercise every day – even HK doctors say to do that for your physical and mental health! 
  • Listen. Don’t be too quick to speak or solve problems, sometimes they just need to verbalise and that’s all they need.

More time at home may lead to more conflicts with family. What are some tips for students to improve communication and parent-child relationships at home?

Communicate with the school to insist that all work from all teachers is done in a consistent way. All school work should be posted in a similar way or place. A spreadsheet with all the work in one place is helpful. This may cut down on frustration, and parents feeling like they don’t know how to find what their kids need to do.

Joe M. – High school English Teacher

How are you as an educator coping with the situation and the concept of e-learning?

The current climate calls for colleagues and teachers to help each other. The non-traditional way of education is changing, it is not going to be perfect. Students will not be afraid of making mistakes if teachers are the same. I understand that learning is a lifelong process and it is okay to make mistakes or we’ll stagnate and this applies in all fields.

I found it is important to check with other teachers and see in what ways they are adapting. It’s also important to see how much work they’re giving so the students are not overburdened.

Would you describe this as a challenging time in your career as an educator?

Yes really interesting as it forces educators to look at the technological tools as we already have our way of doing things so we’re less open to electronic tools. I’ve been teaching for 25 years and this has been the biggest transition. The younger years are more welcoming to come on the camera than the older ones. Hence, working with growing adolescents combined with E-learning and technology has further implications.

I found the young people are very adaptable as per the situation. They’re very well versed with technology and problem solving.

What is your advice to students and teachers during the current period? 

Students have different personalities and hence cannot be grouped together. As a teacher I need to understand that young people are stressed about a variety of factors such as academics, social interactions, conflicts, and the future. 

Studying from home has allowed students to become autonomous. I’ve noted that the older students are liking the aspect of independence and organising and scheduling their own schedules. I have noticed that individual work has improved including their English writing and comprehension. Hence, as a teacher I firmly believe young people have the ability to show great resilience during tough times and change. 

Speaking of giving young people autonomy, I’ve taken away the concept of deadlines but focused on giving them day to day work and focus on discussions. Some students have complained that they’re in fact getting extra work now as teachers are giving them more assignments for grading. Hence it is important to adapt and listen to what students are saying so we can all work together. 

Students are really missing the social aspect of school. This serves as a great opportunity and rare change for parents to really bond with their children!

Resources

A Young Person’s Guide to Staying Well during the Coronavirus Outbreak

With school cancelled and lots of news coverage on the coronavirus and its effects, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Whether you’re feeling anxious, lost, frustrated, or lonely, know that you are not alone. Experiencing these emotions are an understandable result of the current situation, and there are many ways to cope.

Health worries, the news, and social media…

Lately, there’s been tons of coronavirus coverage in the media and people seem to be talking about it constantly.

For some people, this might lead to preoccupations with health worries and create a great deal of stress.

Anxiety is what we feel when we are worried, tense or afraid, especially about things that are about to happen (or what we think might happen in the future).

What are some signs that we might be feeling overwhelmed by anxiety?

  • We become overly preoccupied by thoughts of how the coronavirus is affecting our lives, how we might contract it, whether we might be experiencing symptoms of it, what is happening to people who have it, what the future of the situation will be like 
  • We find it harder to stay focused and concentrate on whatever we’re doing 
  • It also gets harder to fall asleep and we feel restless 
  • We might have trouble breathing or feel our hearts beating faster 
  • We’re constantly refreshing Instagram, checking Facebook, or loading up the news to find out the latest information 
  • We need lots of reassurance from friends, families, health experts that we’re not seriously ill

Think to yourself

  • Is this thought a false alarm? 
  • Am I overestimating the dangers involved? 
  • Are my thoughts about this situation affecting how I’m feeling? 
  • Am I giving my worries too much meaning, power and credibility? 
  • How likely is this going to happen? 
  • If it’s not very likely, what are some reasons why?

Often, worries about the virus can spread and grow much more quickly than the virus itself!

Health advice is often presented to the public as a precautionary measure for the worst possible scenario, which doesn’t reflect how likely it is to come true. A risk can seem very dangerous and alarming, but it’s important to also think of how big that risk actually is. More news is not always better for you.

Preparing for the worst doesn’t mean the worst will definitely happen. We can continue to hope for the best!

Social media can be a good way to stay in touch with friends and classmates during the school suspension, but lately there has been a lot of extreme news and speculation that have contributed to an atmosphere of fear.

Reading up on the news and being surrounded by constant updates may even potentially add to our worries. And since our physical and mental health are linked, stress can impact our immune systems and make us more vulnerable to becoming physically ill. That’s why it’s a good idea to take regular breaks from social media and switch off from the news.

You should try to find reliable news sources (such as medical websites and health associations like the WHO) rather than trusting social media posts or updates that do not specify where they got their information from.

It’s important to remember that not everything we read online may be accurate or true.

If your friends or followers keep sending you messages that make you feel scared, worried, or upset, you can ask them to please stop or explain that it isn’t healthy for you.

You have the right to choose what you want to engage with!

It’s also tough if you feel like you’re being expected to be online all the time now that many schools have moved over to online teaching. An unintended consequence may be that you might feel pressured to stay connected on social media all the time.

Remember to take some time to wind down after a long time of looking at the screen. Even if your teacher has set you online work, you are not expected to be spending every minute of your day sitting in front of the computer! Just as you would with “normal” school, you are allowed to take a break offline.

Tip: Draw a fine line between study and breaks, both online and offline.

Quick and easy ways to reduce your social media use

  • Switch off notifications from your apps 
  • Turn on airplane mode 
  • Hide apps in folders or move them away from the home screen 
  • Log out of your accounts so you have to log back in again each time (helps you stay mindful of whether you actually want to go online, or if you’re just passing time!) 
  • Monitor how many minutes you’re spending online each day and keep a record

Class suspension and the fear of falling behind

You might be feeling worried about missing out on face to face learning. Perhaps you’re worried about falling behind, or that you won’t be able to catch up once you return to campus.

Know that many students feel the same way too, and you are not alone in this struggle.

Email your teachers or school counsellor if you feel worried, or have questions about upcoming exams, assignments, or your progress. Recognise that the situation is largely out of our control, and that it isn’t our fault. It’s understandable to feel frustrated, especially when we’ve worked very hard to come this far. Even if your teachers can’t provide you with specific dates and concrete plans, they can support you to the best of their abilities.

It’s also helpful to try and put things in perspective, for example, thinking of where you are now in relation to the entirety of your life ahead.

There is no such thing as “being behind in life” and there is so much more time to accomplish what you set out to do.

Just as there is no comparison between the sun and the moon, which both shine when it’s their time, we can’t compare our lives to others because every person is different and unique.

Try not to be too harsh on yourself, as you’re experiencing an unfamiliar and new situation.

Managing your expectations can give you a clearer and more realistic picture of what you will be able to do during these unusual circumstances.

Avoid comparing yourself to your peers too; everyone learns at their own pace and style – some people might prefer self-learning, whilst others learn best in a classroom setting.

This could even be a chance to figure out your best approach to studying. You might notice that you need a study partner (maybe set up Zoom for a study together session with your friends), or you study best with discussion. You could try creating an online study group with your classmates.

Managing loneliness

Loneliness is the feeling we get when our need for social interaction is not fulfilled.

In the past few weeks many of us have gone from going to school and seeing our friends five days a week to suddenly finding ourselves at home, away from the familiar school buildings and teachers and classmates we’ve grown used to.

Maybe some of us are beginning to feel isolated from the rest of the world as we study from home. Maybe your days are beginning to feel unproductive, or you feel restless and miss being greeted by your peers every weekday morning.

This can have a big impact on our mental health so it’s important we recognise our feelings early. There’s no shame in saying you feel lonely. It does not mean you don’t have people who care about you.

If you can’t go outside and meet others physically, you can try these fun ways to maintain social contact:

  1. Pick up a new indoor hobby

Try cooking or baking, learn a new language, grow a houseplant, practice an instrument or sing in the shower!

  1. Video call with your friends

Try using Facetime, Whatsapp or Zoom!

You can chat to go over what’s been bothering you lately, or try one of these activities over video call:

  • Watch a movie together 
  • Have lunch together over video call, just as you would in the school cafeteria 
  • If both of you have pets, arrange virtual hangouts with your furry friends so they can e-meet each other 
  • Take a quiz together (e.g. Buzzfeed!) 
  • Download a new app and start playing a game together

If you live with other family members or friends, be sure to take advantage of the extra time at home and connect with them too!

Catch up on TV shows or get round to reading that book you got as a gift years ago but never had the time to pick up!

Stay active and try finding exercise videos online (try searching on Youtube for videos about HIIT or yoga) to keep yourself physically fit and healthy. Keep each other accountable by sharing updates with your friends.

Peer support 

Tips to help a friend who may be struggling

  • Power of positivity 
  • Empower one another 
  • Encourage and motivate 
  • Reflective listening  
  • Support and be there for each other 
  • Understand each other 
  • Practice self-care 
  • Privacy and confidentiality 
  • Observe, approach and assist 
  • Respect your peers 
  • Talk to a professional for help

It’s not easy to know what to say when you notice a friend struggling. You could start a conversation by simply asking, “How are you?” or “What’s going on?

They might not want to talk about it, in which case you could suggest speaking to an older, trusted individual like a parent or teacher.

If a friend opens up to you, it’s important to be open-minded and non-judgmental. Even though you might feel like you’re not contributing much if you are quiet, listening is hugely beneficial and a sign that you care about the person.

A good reminder for anyone who is struggling is to let them know that they are not alone, and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Often, reaching out is the first step to feeling better.

Little reminders

  1. It’s okay not to be busy

It’s okay to be busy too, but only if we don’t overwhelm ourselves.

  1. It’s okay to take breaks 

A break is not going to last forever

  1. You are not defined by how much work or studying you’ve done in one day 
  2. You deserve to make time for yourself
  3. You are not a failure if you didn’t finish what you set out to do for the day
  4. Where you are now is not your final destination
  5. It takes time to adapt to a change, like the current class suspension
  6. Worrying will not change the outcome
  7. Sometimes, we are our harshest critics 

Lazy 8 Breathing Exercise

  • Place the index finger of one hand onto the palm of the other hand. 
  • Slowly begin to trace the shape of the lazy 8, or the infinity sign, onto your palm. 
  • Notice what it feels like to trace the shape. 
  • Now turn your attention to your breathing. 
  • As you slowly breathe in, circle your finger to the left part of the 8. 
  • Notice how it feels as the air enters your mouth and your lungs. 
  • As you breathe out slowly, circle your finger around to the right hand part of the 8. 
  • Notice how it feels as the air leaves your lungs and mouth and your stomach relaxes
  • If you find that you are thinking about something else, that is fine, notice it and then turn your attention back to the lazy 8s.
  • Keep doing this for a few more moments, just tracing your finger, noticing your breathing, and bringing your thoughts back to the way that this feels.

We can take one day at a time and remember to breathe!

Another useful thing to do is to make a plan of your daily routine and to keep up with as many of the activities you’d usually do when you go to school. Sleeping at regular hours, taking breaks to stand up and walk around, and eating around the same time you’d normally eat are all important to maintaining your wellbeing.

Planning a schedule can also help you pace yourself, so that you don’t feel overwhelmed by the length of time you have before school resumes again.

Check out our daily and weekly planner inserts at the back of this booklet to help you reflect on your day and be more organised as you plan out what tasks you need to do.

Given that we may be spending more time online currently, as most classes are being held remotely, it may be important to consider how we are currently managing our time. Being online, rather than in class is also likely to create more distraction, given that social media platforms are more accessible. 

If we don’t manage our time effectively, this can easily lead to stress! Jobs and tasks can often pile up very quickly and it can feel like we have a “mountain to climb”!

Tips on Time Management

By Teresa Chan, Clinical Advisor to Coolminds

  • Set out a plan of what you intend to achieve and do each day. 
  • You could make a list of what you need to do and allocate yourself a realistic time frame for each task. 
  • Break down big tasks into as many smaller tasks as possible if certain tasks seem overwhelming. 
  • Put these smaller tasks into order of importance, and deal with the most important one first. 
  • Keep an up-to-date list of what you need to do and get into the habit of crossing each thing off as soon as you’ve done it. 
  • As well as the things you need to get done (i.e. homework), also plan in breaks and respite time, to allow yourself to do something you enjoy or something that will help take your mind off of work. 
  • If you do decide to access social media, set yourself a time-limit for this and stick to this plan as best you can. 
  • Ensuring you take time out to get away from your desk (or working space) is also essential. You could go for a quick walk or get some fresh air, or you could go make yourself a quick drink or snack for example. 
  • Planning in a balance and a mixture of activities into your day is key! 

If it’s hard to get into a routine of organising your time, give yourself a small reward each time you complete a task (as we often learn new behaviours a lot quicker through reward!)

More time at home may lead to more conflicts with family

How to navigate sticky situations

Given there is still so much uncertainty around the current situation, and there has been so much change to our daily routines, it is normal that conflicts within the family may arise.

Stressful situations often lead to a breakdown in communication and feelings of frustration.

When a disagreement or difficult conversation occurs it is really important to recognise these feelings, so that we can pause and take a step back. Often when our emotions are high, we can sometimes say things that we don’t mean, or communicate in a way that is misinterpreted. Therefore, if we find ourselves feeling frustrated, upset or stressed, try to take a step back and revisit the conversation once we are feeling more settled.

You might have trouble studying at home when other family members need to use the table because you might not have your own study desks. Or, perhaps it might be challenging to build a productive study environment because of distractions from siblings, pets or external noise at home.

One way to get around this is to plan ahead and know when your family member needs to occupy the table. Instead of feeling frustrated, you can plan study breaks during that period; it would also be a chance to do stretches and a little bit of exercise to let your notes sink in before diving into the books again.

Tip: Communicate with family members to let them know you will have to use the table for a certain time period, ask for their understanding to build common ground.

No matter what you’re going through, there are lots of ways to look after yourself. Although they won’t provide a magic cure for the virus, nor will they prevent any future outbreaks, hopefully the tips in this little booklet will help you make yourself feel better and cope with challenges.

Making the Most of Online School

Student sharing by Yaerin Wallenberger, Coolminds Youth Summit Ambassador and High Schooler

“With the recent outbreak, many of our schools have switched to an online learning platform. Learning online is quite different from learning in a real-life classroom: from the increased screen time to the feeling of detachment from your teachers, classmates, and school life in general, it’s definitely a bit of an adjustment.”

“Personally, I’ve been working with a type of clay that I used to work with a lot when I was younger, and I find it really relaxing. Whether your exploration is with music, art, science, literature, or another area of passion, it could be a rewarding way to give yourself a break. Being at home all day and attending class online can feel isolating and stressful at times, but it also can provide valuable opportunities to explore and relax in ways that we wouldn’t be able to while school is in session.”

“Best of luck with online schooling until we go back to non-digital school!”

5 Tips from a Current Student

  1. Set a (rough) routine for your out-of-school hours 
  2. Find ways to stay physically active (there are tons of workouts that can be done in the comfort and privacy of your own room! Jump rope, a body weight circuit, etc.)
  3. Keep in contact with your teachers, especially if you don’t understand something 
  4. Reach out to friends and family, especially those you may not talk to regularly (it’s the perfect opportunity to write to that person you’ve been thinking of and ask them how they’re doing— both you and the person you write to will be better off for it!)
  5. Set aside time for exploration and relaxation leave time to explore and get creative— this can be with both things you already enjoy doing and things that you have had an interest in but haven’t had the time to get around to while school is in session.

Emergency support

If you are experiencing strong levels of distress or trauma which are interfering with your life, remember that you do not have to face it alone, and that help is available.

For emergency support, please contact the hotlines below:

Emergency hotline: 999

The Samaritans 24-hour hotline (Multilingual): (852) 2896 0000

Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2389 2222

Suicide Prevention Services 24-hour hotline (Cantonese only): (852) 2382 0000

OpenUp 24/7 online emotional support service (English/Chinese): www.openup.hk

More support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/emergency-hotlines/

More non-urgent support services can be found here: https://www.coolmindshk.com/en/communitydirectory/ 

Resources

Social Media and Teenagers

A practical approach

Dr John Coleman

This resource booklet has been localised for the Hong Kong context and translated to Traditional Chinese by Coolminds, a mental health initiative run by Mind HK and KELY Support Group. For more information on Coolminds, please visit www.coolmindshk.com

We would like to acknowledge the Charlie Waller Memorial Trust (CWMT) UK for these resources and for allowing us to adapt this. For the original version of this resource, please refer to the CWMT website: www.cwmt.org.uk

Is social media damaging the mental health of young people? It’s important to look behind the headlines.

There is no doubt that today social media is seen by adults as representing a major threat to young people. There is much debate in the press and in public about the so-called “evils” of the digital world, and the [British] Government has tasked medical experts with drawing up advice on the maximum amount of time young people should spend on social media.

Parents and professionals worry about the time spent online, about the content that is seen by teenagers, and about the possible temptations that abound in the online world. Newspaper headlines such as ‘Social media fuels rise in self-harm’ (Evening Standard), and ‘Girls unhappy, stressed and addicted to web’ (The Times) are commonplace.

The striking thing is that this anxiety is not experienced in the same way by young people themselves. By and large they are aware of the risks in the online world and believe that they are able to manage them. In my work with young people I ask them whether they see themselves as experiencing stress. They agree that the teenage years are a time of high stress, but not because of social media. The things they identify as stressful are tests, exams and pressure from school. They also talk about parental expectations, and sometimes pressure from friends. The digital world comes low down in their list of things that create stress and anxiety.

Mental health and social media

As indicated by the [British] newspaper headlines, many adults link the rise in mental health problems to the use of social media but it is really important to note that there is no reliable scientific evidence to support this link. It does appear to be the case that, certainly among teenage girls, mental health problems such as depression are on the rise, but there is no clear link between this and the use of social media.

Of course we cannot ignore the fact that there are teenagers who are vulnerable. These individuals may be isolated, they may have to deal with difficult family situations, or they may have experienced trauma of one sort or another. For these young people the internet may provide an outlet, or a safe place to go for support. The online world may provide a way of sharing experiences with others who are facing similar adversity. These individuals may be less able to manage the risks of the digital world, or they may more easily be drawn to some of the more dangerous internet sites. Professionals should be alert to these vulnerabilities, and do all they can to provide extra support in the use of social media and other internet activities for this group.

Threats and opportunities

It is important to be clear that the internet provides many positive experiences, not just for teenagers, but for those of all ages. These include:

  • Instant access to information
  • Ease of communication
  • A means of sharing and networking with groups of friends
  • A medium for an extraordinary range of creative activities, including art, music, design, and a multitude of other possibilities
  • A way of meeting new people
  • Access to the buying and selling of goods

These are just a few of the many positive opportunities that have been made possible by the internet and the online world. Of course it is also possible to construct a list of the opposites, the threats posed by the digital world. These [may] be familiar to readers, but they include such things as access to pornography, excessive gaming, sexting, gambling, being groomed, and so on. We must be clear that, as with any new technology, there are both positives and negatives. The online world is not going to go away, so the challenge for us is to do all we can to make it as safe a world as possible for our young people.

The role of parents

The first thing to say is that parents do have a role, and this role does not stop when the child moves to secondary school. Many parents believe that once the teenage years kick in, they are no longer important. This is partly because the young person appears to be more interested in their friends than in their parents, and partly because it is more difficult to find a role if a teenager is being rude, disrespectful and uncommunicative. However, the parent’s role is as significant during the teenage years as it is in the early years; it is just significant in a different way. All the evidence shows that outcomes for teenagers are better when the family remains involved, continuing to offer support and guidance during these sometimes difficult years.

There is another reason why parents are especially important at this time, and this is because it is not just the teenagers who are using social media! Parents too want to look at their phones at all times, they want to share images, purchase goods online, and generally access all the good things that the internet provides. Parents are digital role models, and their online behaviour is going to have an effect on the behaviour of their children and young people. You cannot expect your teenager to manage the digital world well if you are constantly looking at your phone!

Consider what is age appropriate

It goes without saying that the needs of children and young people will vary depending on their age. As a parent you are not going to treat a 16-year-old in the same way as you treat a 10-year-old. Broadly speaking we can say that the younger the child, the more support and guidance they need. However appealing online activities are, do try and restrict the use of screens for all ages, but particularly for the younger age groups. Do find alternative, non- technological activities, for children to enjoy.

It is useful to consider that there are particular ages where extra support may be necessary. One such group is the 10- to 13-year-olds as they first start to negotiate the online world on their own. Professionals have pointed out that the pressure to be popular, and to obtain as many “likes” as possible, is hard to resist at this stage when peer relationships are becoming especially important.

Although older teenagers may attempt to push adults away, it is critical that parents keep an eye on what is going on for this group. New and tempting games, sexual or violent content, pressure from certain websites, all these can in some circumstances lead to excessive use of the internet. Parents may feel it is hard to monitor online activities in this age group, but this should not hinder proper oversight. Even the most mature teenagers may sometimes find themselves pulled into behaviour that is not helpful. Parents should remain alert for any signs of inappropriate use of the digital world.

Screens at night

One of the most difficult challenges for parents relates to screens at night. However much the teenager protests, all the reliable advice is for parents to make sure that phones and other devices are switched off at night. In the best of circumstances all devices will be left outside the bedroom, and turned off about a half hour before bedtime. This gives the teenager time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

Scientific evidence shows clearly that good quality sleep is hugely important for young people. We now know that sleep is a time of memory consolidation, so that the quality of sleep will be directly related to the individual’s capacity to learn and memorise. We have also learnt that the body clock works slightly differently in teenagers than in adults, so many young people become sleepy later in the evening than their parents. Yet sleep is essential at this stage. The more parents can do to encourage good sleep routines, the better for the young person’s health and school work.

“Scientific evidence shows clearly that good quality sleep is hugely important for young people.”

A family digital strategy

Any approach by parents to the use of social media by young people has to involve the whole family. As I have noted, parents are role models, and it is no use making rules (such as no phones at mealtimes) if parents do not respect the rules themselves. It can be extremely helpful if the family as a whole works out some rules that everyone can get behind. Children and teenagers are more likely to accept structures that have been negotiated than ones that have been imposed.

Parents will make more progress if they accept that the online world has many opportunities to offer. Parents should work with their children to manage it sensibly. Many families find it helpful to have some non- technology time, sometimes called “digital detox”. Do try it – you may be surprised by the results.

Finally, remember the phase “digital resilience”. Too many adults think about the digital world as a threat. Yet this is not how it is seen by young people. It is the responsibility of adults, both parents and professionals, to help children and teenagers develop the skills they need to navigate the online world in safety. They need help to develop digital resilience. If we try we can all contribute to this. Good luck!

“It can be extremely helpful if the family as a whole works out some rules that everyone can get behind.”

Ten top tips for a digitally healthy household

  1. Remember – the younger the child, the more support and guidance they’ll need
  2. Be aware that extra support may be needed at certain ages, such as 10 – 13
  3. Find non-technological activities for children to enjoy
  4. Stay alert for any signs of inappropriate use of the digital world
  5. Make sure devices are switched off at night and for half an hour before bedtime
  6. Work out some rules together…
  7. …and respect the rules yourself!
  8. Be aware of the positives as well as the negative side of technology
  9. Have a regular family digital detox
  10. Aim for ‘digital resilience’

Dr John Coleman is a distinguished psychologist and co-author of the book ‘Parents and Digital Technology’.

Resources

Perfectionism: When Striving for Excellence Becomes Unhealthy

By Professor Roz Shafran

This leaflet is based on work conducted by Prof. Roz Shafran in collaboration with Prof. Tracey Wade and Dr Sarah Egan.

This resource booklet has been localised for the Hong Kong context and translated to Traditional Chinese by Coolminds, a mental health initiative run by Mind HK and KELY Support Group. For more information on Coolminds, please visit www.coolmindshk.com

We would like to acknowledge the Charlie Waller Memorial Trust (CWMT) UK for these resources and for allowing us to adapt this. For the original version of this resource, please refer to the CWMT website: www.cwmt.org.uk

Some years ago Jessica Lahey wrote in the New York Times: “We all know perfection is an unreasonable burden to place on our children but we also reward them when they strive for that perfection.” Her article was an attempt to understand the complex nature of perfectionism in today’s world where achievement is valued at almost any price.

So what does unhealthy perfectionism look like and what is the distinction between such perfectionism and ‘healthy striving for excellence’? People with a healthy striving for excellence have very high standards but the standards are potentially achievable; when they do not reach their goals, people with healthy striving for excellence are able to stand back and reflect objectively on their mistakes so that they can learn from them. They are able to tolerate uncertainty and don’t react to their failure with intense self-criticism.

“People with unhealthy perfectionism react to mistakes in an extreme and highly self-critical manner and are very uncomfortable with uncertainty.”

“People with a healthy striving for excellence have very high standards but the standards are potentially achievable”.

‘Tyranny of the Shoulds’

People with unhealthy perfectionism often have the same very high standards but the standards are not realistic or only attainable with significant negative consequences; such people react to mistakes in an extreme and highly self- critical manner and are very uncomfortable with uncertainty. The self-esteem of such perfectionists is almost exclusively dependent on striving and achievement but they constantly perceive themselves to have failed and live in fear of such failure and what it means for them. Such perfectionism was described almost seventy years ago as the “Tyranny of the Shoulds” (Horney, 1950). A few years later, Hollender (1965) painted the following clinical picture of perfectionism:

“The perfectionist finds it difficult to sort out items in order of their importance or to maintain a sense of proportion. A small detail that has been missed may deprive him of gratification from a job otherwise well done. He is constantly on the alert for what is wrong and seldom focuses on what is right. He looks so intently for defects or flaws that he lives his life as though he were an inspector at the end of a production line.” (p. 95)

Spotting unhealthy perfectionism

It is not always easy to detect this unhealthy perfectionism and very often people themselves do not consider it to be a problem. Instead, it can cause difficulties for those around them. The area in which the perfectionism is expressed is also very important.

Unhealthy perfectionism applied in the domain of work may lead to someone being labelled as a ‘workaholic’ but the same type of perfectionism applied in the domain of dieting and weight loss may lead to an eating disorder. Typically such perfectionism is applied across many areas of life and can cause multiple difficulties. We know that perfectionism of this sort is associated with depression as well as other difficulties such as eating disorders, anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome, obsessive compulsive disorder and low self-esteem. Unlike depression, ‘perfectionism’ is not a diagnosis and it can sometimes be difficult for an outsider to spot. Some questions to help spot when perfectionism is a problem are:

“Unhealthy perfectionism applied in the domain of work may lead to someone being labelled as a ‘workaholic’.”

  • How hard are you pushing yourself to meet your goals?
  • Do you tend to focus on what you have not achieved rather than what you have achieved?
  • Do other people tell you that your standards are too high?
  • Do you feel a failure as a person because you have not succeeded in meeting your goals?
  • Are you afraid that you might not reach your standards?
  • Do you raise your standards after meeting them?
  • Do you judge yourself on your ability to meet your standards?
  • Do you repeatedly check how well you are doing at meeting your standards (for example, by comparing yourself to others?)
  • Do you keep on trying to meet your standards even if you miss out on other things?
  • Do you react to small mistakes with intense self- criticism?
  • Do you avoid tests of your performance in case you fail?

These questions can help detect when perfectionism is interfering with functioning and is likely to be associated with low mood and anxiety.

Other types of perfectionism

There are other types of perfectionism that might also be posing a problem such has having high standards for other people and constantly feeling let down. Similarly, some people erroneously believe that other people have high standards for them and that they feel they are constantly letting other people down. In some cases, people are focused on the need to appear perfect and in others their perfectionism may predominantly be focused in an area such as sport or religion.

Treating perfectionism

Until relatively recently, no treatment for perfectionism had been developed, partly due to the suggestion that perfectionism was an unchangeable personality characteristic. However, in 2002 the Oxford Centre for Eating Disorders (where I was fortunate to be working) proposed a cognitive-behavioural approach to perfectionism (Shafran, Cooper & Fairburn, 2002). Although it was controversial, it paved the way for research and multiple studies have now shown that the treatment based on this approach is effective both in terms of reducing perfectionism but also with respect to the impact that the treatment has on other difficulties such as depression and anxiety.

The treatment can be delivered individually, in groups, using a self-help book or over the internet. Some of the key treatment strategies are:

  • Understanding what maintains the perfectionism. It is helpful to understand the causes of the perfectionism but, like other cognitive behavioural approaches, the focus is on the factors that keep the perfectionism going.
  • Dispelling myths. For example, many people believe ‘the harder I work, the better I will do’ but there comes a point at which over-working may backfire and cause a deterioration in performance due to tiredness (for example).
  • Conducting surveys to be able to get information about others’ standards to enable benchmarking.
  • Testing out beliefs using ‘behavioural experiments’. For example, if a person thinks that they will fail an assignment if they do less than eight hours work, he/she would be encouraged to do seven hours work and to use that extra hour to do something enjoyable instead; gradually the amount of work would be reduced and the person would learn that three to four hours is sufficient for that type of assignment.
  • Addressing ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking by helping the person realise the shades of grey between ‘success’ and ‘failure’.
  • Trying to rebalance attention so that it isn’t always focused on the negative.
  • Helping with self-criticism by increasing compassion towards oneself and having the same expectations for themselves and others.
  • Dealing with avoidance, procrastination and other related problems such as poor time management; problem-solving strategies such as the ones described by Christine and Arthur Nezu can be particularly helpful (and problem-solving is also an effective intervention for depression!)

The future

We have come a long way in our understanding of perfectionism and in developing interventions that work. However, there remains a great deal of work to do so that we can help people with a wide variety of forms of perfectionism and to see whether the interventions work for children and young people. We also need to make sure that people can access the treatments that they need in a timely way. I am hopeful that such ambition reflects healthy striving for excellence and an achievable goal, but only time will tell….

Further reading

Nezu, A. M., Nezu, C. M., D’Zurilla, T. J. (2007) Solving Life’s Problems: A 5-step Guide to Enhanced Well- being.

Shafran, R., Egan, S., & Wade, T. (2018). Overcoming Perfectionism 2nd Edition: A self-help guide using scientifically supported cognitive behavioural techniques. Robinson.

Shafran, R., Egan, S. & Wade, T. (2012) Changing Perfectionism: This booklet describes ‘clinical perfectionism’ and its link with how people evaluate themselves.

References

Hollender, M. H. (1965). Perfectionism. Comprehensive psychiatry, 6(2), 94-103.

Horney, K. (1950). The Collected Works of Karen Horney: Self analysis. Neurosis and human growth (Vol. 2). WW Norton.

Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C.G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive–behavioural analysis. Behaviour research and therapy, 40(7), 773-791.

About the author

Roz Shafran is a Professor of Translational Psychology at University College London and a Chartered Clinical Psychologist. She is a Trustee of the Charlie Waller Memorial Trust and founded the Charlie Waller Institute of Evidenced Based Psychological Treatment at the University of Reading.

She is also co-author of ‘Overcoming Perfectionism: a self-help guide using scientifically supported cognitive behavioural techniques’.