Studying at university can be fun and exciting but at the same time stressful and frightening. It’s okay to feel both or either of these emotions. In this post, I would like to share how I learned to adapt to university life. What distinguishes university from high school is that you often have to be more independent and plan your studies by yourself. Time management is key, and it can be hard to find out what works best for you. 

Personally, I moved to Hong Kong to study business at university. For me, university life was more than just maintaining my academics, but I also had to learn to manage my social life, plan my meals and plan time for workouts. At first, this felt exhausting! 

I felt that my peers were so smart and talented. Everyone had something going on – planning for internships, participating in projects, or joining different societies. I felt pressured to do that, as well. So I joined a lot of projects and took on a lot of responsibilities. People around me used to tell me that this would look good on my CV, or that if I don’t do this, I wouldn’t get a good job. That made me feel even more obligated and pressured to work hard on things I didn’t enjoy. I just wanted to be as friendly and hardworking as everyone else. Two months in, I was so stressed out I couldn’t sleep and lost my appetite. I started to lose weight, and felt that everything I did was mediocre. Hanging out with friends felt exhausting, and studying felt meaningless. Not knowing what to do or where to start was very frustrating.

What got me back on my feet again was talking to my peers and friends. When I told my friends I felt stressed out because I had too much on my plate, I got a surprising response. They felt the same! Many of my new friends sensed they were in the same position as me. They’d also had a hard time understanding the lectures, keeping up with the pace of the course, making new friends, or planning for meals. There was more to my impression that the people around me were effortlessly confident and self-assured.  I came to realize that we often (falsely) believe that we know everything about the people around us. Just because someone seems like they are succeeding or doing well externally doesn’t mean they have not struggled or aren’t struggling internally.

So what did I do? I dropped a few projects to focus on my studies, and a sports society, which I enjoyed! I later went to see a professional counselor. They gave me some tools to cope with stress and taught me how to handle school work when I feel like I’m drowning in essays, for example.  Now I write down all of my deadlines on a to-do list in chronological order. This way, I know when a deadline is approaching and what to prioritize first. If you have packed your schedule with extra activities and you feel more stressed than excited to work on them, then you should ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

Do I think it’s fun or exhausting?

Am I doing it because people told me to, or because I genuinely enjoy it?

My counselor told me something insightful. He said life is based on three principles, similar to a three pinned stool. The first principle is obligations, such as work or studies. The second is activities, for example, joining a football team. Lastly, we have recovery, both physically and mentally. You have to give yourself time to relax. If you neglect one or the other, your life will be unbalanced and, you will experience stress.

With this concept in mind, adapting to university became much smoother. I knew, thanks to my counselor’s tools, how to approach my studies and keep up with the fast pace of university life. Only having one extracurricular activity gave me a greater sense of joy when participating in it, and I got to meet some incredible people.  I also discovered that just staying in bed on a Sunday is not being lazy.  It gave me time to relax my mind and body so that I would have enough energy to meet with people and do my best in school for the week ahead.

My best advice to you, if you are facing something similar, is talking to someone. It could be a family member, a friend, or a professional. Family and friends are great because they have likely experienced something similar, and it can be good to hear someone else’s perspective.  However, meeting a professional is also a good option.  Similar to how you go see a dentist to check up on your oral health, you can go to a therapist or a psychologist to maintain good mental health. This is their field of expertise, and they know a lot of strategies that can support you, for example, how to cope with stress.  Stress is normal, and something you will most likely experience more of in life. If you learn how to relax and care for yourself in those moments, you can save a lot of energy and unnecessary suffering. Sometimes stress can become overwhelming, and you have to set your limits. That is something I’m still working on because I still feel pressured to perform well.

I know now that I am not alone in my experiences, and neither are you. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or not know what to do. If you are bothered by your emotions, I suggest you discuss them with someone.  It helped me, and I think it would do you good as well.

Take Care.